88 Comments
Apr 21Liked by Jenna McCarthy

Jenna, Clearly you are a shill for the airlines...how much did they pay you for this piece? It is much, much worse than this in the real world. You did not cover, for example, the "crew is tired so you will have to sit in the airport for three days" upgrade, or the "we overbooked but you can walk for only $1000 extra" upgrade, or the "the toilets are all broken" upgrade. Shame on you for being so mercenary as to withhold these important fees.

Marvelous piece!

Expand full comment
author

Dammit, you win.🤣🤣🤣

Expand full comment
Apr 21·edited Apr 21Liked by Jenna McCarthy

I could talk on this subject all day. You try to change your flight to an earlier time, ie, the same flight just two hours earlier or something. That will be $1200 to change. They have no good reason why. Then the day of travel, there is literally always an email asking people to take a different flight and they'll give you a credit starting at $450. It blows my mind every time..... This is how I plan on traveling when I retire. Just keep taking different flights and get all the travel credits.... That you will have to call customer service, wait for them to call you back after 4 hours and then spend 30 min on the phone to actually use the credit. But what the hay.

Expand full comment
author

And it’s just like going to the doctor… If you are five minutes late, they can refuse to see you… Even though they routinely make you wait 90 minutes or more. My last flight to California was delayed SIX hours. No compensation, no apologies, Just I hope you weren’t trying to make a funeral or something. But if you get to that gate one minute after they hang the little rope across it, you’re screwed.

Expand full comment

Exactly. I would think these airlines would want to have good customer service. They won't budge.

Expand full comment
Apr 21Liked by Jenna McCarthy

Why should they care about good customer service? They have a very captive audience, esp once you’re at the airport, frantically trying to get where you want or need to go. I’m old enough to remember when flying was really special - people dressed up, the service & food were good & people behaved.

Expand full comment
Apr 21Liked by Jenna McCarthy

Not to mention no TSA bullshit & family & friends could greet you or see you off down at the gate

Expand full comment
Apr 21Liked by Jenna McCarthy

My current favorite airplane clip:

https://www.tiktok.com/@garyowencom/video/7300214778444729646?lang=en

Oh whoa, I do feel safer now.

Does your dad know you do this shit?

Expand full comment
author

That was equal parts disturbing and hilarious. “Did you know hot chicks used to have your job?”🤣

Expand full comment
Apr 21Liked by Jenna McCarthy

Ha ha.

If you write a column on the ridiculousness of TSA, I have a great clip.

Expand full comment

OMG that’s hilarious

Expand full comment

This is one of those times where I so wished we could post pictures… specifically, 1959,my two older sisters and me in matching plaid suits, pleated skirts with double breasted jackets flying from Idlewild ( JFK) to Paris… my oldest sister wore white gloves, I , the youngest , curtsied upon greeting people…. My family lived in Europe, it’s how we rolled. Yes, that sounds a bit much but a course correction seems in order… I don’t think pajama bottoms, fluffy slippers and gym attire is appropriate travel attire. And as a former “ Stewardess” from the 70s I can confirm that all around it’s only been a downhill slide…. One of the most notable recent changes is that the COVID mask caper turned the crew ( and I actually mean the flight attendants) into authoritarian whack jobs… taking to the Microphone every twenty minutes reminding us we’d be jettisoned out the back if we didn’t chew our pretzels with our face diapers on…. I was on an American Airlines flight where the “senior” flight attendant informed me my mask was not on properly…. As a former “stew” I am always polite to these people. My polite response was met with “ I can arrange for you never to fly on American again”….AA Customer Service wrote me a “we’re so sorry” letter… but think about COVID and air travel and how utterly ridiculous and unnecessary it all was!

Expand full comment
author

I would absolutely love to see that photo! I really did have a white rabbit fur muff that hung on a string around my neck. It was just a given, if we were traveling that thing was going. 🤣 👸 I miss those days! I’m actually surprised I never got in an altercation during Covid because I would ever so slowly eat my snacks THE ENTIRE TIME with that stupid mask dangling from one ear… No one ever said a thing to me and I flew all the time! I guess I got lucky…🙄

Expand full comment

My trick was to make sure my seat was on the left side of the plane. I part my hair on the left. Leaned my head against the window to take a snooze and made sure my hair draped over the front of my face so they couldn’t see that I pulled my mask down.

Then I was able to find an “unmask” that you could actually breathe thru. I’ve kept it as an ugly reminder of the madness we endured.

My sister was actually inflight to visit me when the judgement came down that the mask mandate was unlawful. I texted her the news as soon as she landed and she ripped that sucker off her face as she exited the plane, flashing a big smile to the crew on her way out. Unfortunately no fanfare on her flight.

Expand full comment

IDK what an "unmask" is, but my youngest brother in Texas, when masks were mandated, bought a black mesh belly dancer "mask." It was his protest against being forced to wear a mask. He posted his travels/experiences on FB every day he went out into public places. My memory is that no one ever called him out on his personal interpretation of a mask.

Expand full comment

It was a brand of masks that looked very opaque from the outside but was anything but. Damn thing was $25 😡

Love it! Good for your brother.

Expand full comment

I specifically purchased one lovely "unmask" from Etsy just for when I had to be hospitalized for an operation. Not one word was ever said to me that it was not an "official" face diaper.

Expand full comment
Apr 26Liked by Jenna McCarthy

I bought a mask that was made from sparkly rhinestone beads that didn't restrict my breathing whatsoever. It also allowed me pass as a mask-freak who thought masks needed to be "fashionable" and "stylish". 🙄 I hated it and felt like a fraud but couldn't see a doctor without "wearing a mask", so that was it! No one ever said a thing. Mine came in a 3 pk for $10 from Amazon. I split them with my sister and niece! 😊

Expand full comment
author

And the funny/ironic part is that your mask was probably no less effective than 99% of the rest of the masks out there... ;)

Expand full comment

🎯

Expand full comment
Apr 21Liked by Jenna McCarthy

I can relate! Living in Libya, going to school in Switzerland, my mom came to pick me up at the airport when I flew back for Christmas holiday and was appalled when I walked off the plane in a pair of jeans!

Expand full comment

I wasn't born until shortly after 1959, but your outfits remind me of what my mother and grandmother (both expert seamstresses) would sew, and then dress me up like a little mannequin with dresses, complete with matching jackets or coats.. Did you have hats too? I recall at 5 years old, developing a preference of my own, and I put my little foot down over a lone upright flower sticking up at the back of one hat. The hat was fine; the flower was not, so my mother agreed to remove the flower, just so I would agree to the hat. We didn't have much money, so she never had the opportunity to dress me up for air travel. And thankfully, I haven't flown since before COVID - so no need for hours of those awful masks.

Expand full comment

This tickled me, especially since having served as a travel agent for 15 years...booking flights way back when you had to stay over a Saturday just to afford tickets. I lost that job due to Covid..but have hesitated going back because I don't feel good about putting people on planes right now. 😕 I mean, parts falling off of planes, equipment like bathrooms not functioning, and the biggest, lowering the standards for pilot training. So I am with you and will stick to driving...but not ev's!!!! I will keep my gas guzzling F150 and not suffer from battery panic.

Kat

Expand full comment
Apr 21Liked by Jenna McCarthy

Hilarious.

'Bitch, I wear the same three things at home on a continual loop; you think I can’t do it on vacation, too?' - I know you better than that, who you kidding?

Expand full comment
author

I might have a closet with hundreds of things hanging in it, but how many of those do you actually see me WEAR on a regular basis? Also shut up.🤣🤣🤣

Expand full comment
Apr 21·edited Apr 21Liked by Jenna McCarthy

I'm with you on this one Jenna. I refuse to check a bag. I don't care if it's 10 days In Europe, if it doesn't fit in the carry ons, it's not going.

One flight attendant in Athens singled me out and said she needed to weigh my carry on. She said it was five pounds too heavy and needed to be checked in. I said absolutely not. This is my carry on and it's coming with me. She argued with me so I opened my bag and started to move stuff to another bag. She then conceded. I told her this is ridiculous since no one else is lifting this bag but me (I mean my husband) and I'm a buck forty and all of these other people weigh more than me. My kids were mortified. But I told them sometimes you have to fight the power when the rule makes no sense. I was happy to Karen out at that moment.

Expand full comment
author

That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard! Especially if you are allowed to shuffle it from one bag to the other… I mean I get the overweight charges for checked bags out of consideration for the bag handlers, but your own bag? They can suck it. I would’ve gone Karen right along with you!

Expand full comment
Apr 26Liked by Jenna McCarthy

None of it makes since unless they start charging passengers by the pound, too. It's "supposedly" all about the total weight on the aircraft, right? How do they charge a 125 lb person the same ticket price as a 175 or 200 lb person? (Don't get me started on the morbidly obese getting a free seat upon request...)

Come to think of it, if you can just pay an extra charge for an "overweight" bag, that plane is possibly going to (eventually) weigh too much, so... so much for safety! Kinda like paying a carbon tax. It does nothing to reduce carbon but someone is pocketing that money.

Expand full comment
author

Oh you cannot even MENTION weight/body size/the f-word. That's BODY SHAMING! It's NOT INCLUSIVE! But that'll be an extra $140 for your corpulent Samsonite.

Expand full comment

Yeah. A weight limit on an unchecked bag? Nice try.

Expand full comment
Apr 21Liked by Jenna McCarthy

And also, lol to telling him to zip it. Ha ha.

Expand full comment
author

🤣🤷‍♀️🙋‍♀️

Expand full comment

Sorry too late. I'm upstairs claiming closet real estate...

Expand full comment
Apr 21Liked by Jenna McCarthy

You forgot to mention the Two Wing Upgrade, if you’re flying a Boeing Plane. And then there’s the Landing Gear Guarantee to consider….need I go on?

Expand full comment

The idling-on-the-tarmac fuel surcharge?

Expand full comment

EWR

Expand full comment

Ha! Good one!

Expand full comment
author

nope! 🤣🙈

Expand full comment
Apr 21Liked by Jenna McCarthy

How about a fee to fly on a non-Boeing aircraft?

Expand full comment
author

I’d throw down for that.

Expand full comment

Boeing somehow remind me of a slinky going down the stairs.

Expand full comment

And then there's the danger of mandatory vaxxed pilots and crew having sudden (but completely not caused by vax) medical emergency.

Quick References for this cautionary tail (tale):

* Dr. Kevin Stillwagon: https://drkevinstillwagon.substack.com/ (search for pilot)

* Big E's Bigmouth Substack (short URL): https://tinyurl.com/zc4djbk6

Expand full comment
Apr 21Liked by Jenna McCarthy

Damn.

I keep wetting my pants every time I read this Substack.

Expand full comment
author

Sorry? 🤣❤️😘

Expand full comment
Apr 21Liked by Jenna McCarthy

That would be a funny skit. I wouldn't fly currently anyway. As long as the mRNA shots are on the market, and they don't ask would you like your pilot vaxxed or unvaxxed. Missing another piece of consent with do you want to possibly have your pilot's heart stop if vaxxed inflight.

Expand full comment

Just lucky the stewardesses are vintage. I seen some in the old days that could make your or the pilot's heart pitter patter.

Sign says,"Covid won't make you croak! The Pilot? Only once!

Expand full comment

That was the old days. Now with DEI initiatives parts falling off of planes and people. No telling what they will look like.

Expand full comment

I got me a free wing seat and they handed me a socket wrench.....

Expand full comment

Great point

Expand full comment
Apr 21Liked by Jenna McCarthy

Hysterical 😂 I don't fly ~ haven't for many years ~ grateful I don't have to. Thanks for the laughs amongst all the insanity!!! 💖

Expand full comment
author

I have one kid in Commiefornia and one in NYC so I’m forced to do it often. Jet Blue is decent. 🤷‍♀️

Expand full comment

You can still actually talk to a live person in the airline of the future? Wow. In my future airline, you book online or through AI only. And in the cabin, I imagine no seats at all. Just subway straps to cling to in case your Boeing or Airbus drops a door or the cockpit or whatever. I get the distinct impression that passengers are a real inconvenience for future airlines--and the airlines of today. Guess that's why they all treat passengers as beneath their contempt.

Expand full comment
author

Well they definitely don’t want us leaving our little local hamster wheels so I suspect they will continue to make it ever more miserable and unaffordable…

Expand full comment

They are going electric to save jet fuel?

Expand full comment
Apr 21Liked by Jenna McCarthy

Jenna - your one in a million - actually one in 350 million - thanks, your GRRRRREAT as Tony says! - Wayne

Expand full comment
Apr 21Liked by Jenna McCarthy

One of the major airlines finished me off by having me fly from Schiphol to Dulles after having promised me four movies I wanted to see by having a defective video system, announced after the plane was in the air.

Expand full comment
author

I remember years ago I was on a flight where just my entertainment system was broken… They gave me a $200 voucher! Today they’d be like suck it up buttercup. You’re lucky we got there in one piece.

Expand full comment

My torture took place in 2003 and they gave me a $75 voucher that I threw away, not having flown "for pleasure" since, and only once for orientation for a job that I quit because the employer refused to buy required safety equipment for my use.

Expand full comment
Apr 22Liked by Jenna McCarthy

You missed the part where illegals can bring unlimited weapons into the country but the rest of us get our toothpaste confiscated

Expand full comment

This is awesomely laugh-out-loud hilarious!

I caught a flight from St. Thomas USVI to St. Maarten on one of those squeaky little prop planes. The plane was very late, so I checked with the "desk" clerk to find out why. "Just a minute," she said, and flipped on a mirophone. She radioed the pilot to ask when he thought he might arrive, then said to me, "Thirty minutes, maybe an hour. Or two. Have some more rum punch!"

Once I boarded the plane, I saw there was no flight attendant. An ice chest was chained to the floor near the pilot's seat. For a dollar, you could buy a can of soda (from the pilot) to cool yourself off while listening to the propellors thumping. I'd have paid anythng for noise-cancelling headphones.

Expand full comment
author

🤣🙈

Expand full comment
Apr 21Liked by Jenna McCarthy

Had not flown at all since before the scamdemic. Just last week I was flying to Japan to visit my son, who is stationed there. After arriving on time in Dallas, we tee’d up for the American Airlines flight directly from Dallas to Tokyo. I thought we were so smart to get a direct flight: no connecting flights to be delayed or cancelled or luggage lost. As departure time neared, pur phones started pinging w/ “updates” about slight delays. We were supposed to take off at noon but it got pushed back & back: 1:30, 2:30, 4:00, back to 2:30, then up & up & up, all the way to 7 pm, a 7 hour delay. In the meantime, we started off in terminal D but were directed to terminal A, then back to D, then to A again, finally ending back at D. Every time we were directed to 1 terminal or the other, we were directed to 2 or 3 different gates w/in each terminal. NO explanations were EVER given. Obviously we missed our connecting flight in Tokyo. Standing in line at so-called AA “customer service” to rearrange our connecting flight took almost 2 hours in line & then an idiot who had no idea what he was doing.

We FINALLY boarded ~7:15 pm & there were no issues until we arrived in Tokyo around 10:30 pm the following night. An undulating cattle-call line for customs that took 2 hours to get through, late at night & after all the stress in Dallas. AA had to put us up in an airport hotel since they’d f’d us up, but we didn’t get checked in until after 1 am. All we could do was take a shower & keep ourselves awake for the next 4 hours until our next early morning flight.

Every bit of what went on in Dallas felt VERY deliberate. I would have been pissed about a 7 hour delay but would’ve handled it much better if we’d just been told to stay at the same gate or at least the same terminal instead of jacking us all around over those 7 hours.

It’s no secret they want to discourage (& eventually ban) we masses of the great unwashed from traveling because “climate change 😱”. Combine that wi/ the clot shot mandates the airlines forced on their employees & all of the “died suddenlies” which have led to pilot, traffic controller, baggage handler shortages….

I hate to admit that their scheme worked on me: the only way I’ll EVER fly anywhere is if I HAVE to (wedding, funeral, etc). I have a new understanding & appreciation for unruly passenger rage we see all over the internet from time to time.

Expand full comment

Now you've asked for it, by mentioning Dallas. I was to fly out of Dallas on Christmas Eve for a trip to Jamaica. The flight was delayed until the next day. I asked for my suitcase and spent the night at the hotel in the airport. Next day, checked my suitcase, boarded the plane, flew to Jamaica, but my suitcase flew out from Dallas to . . . Dallas. I had to wait 3 days for my suitcase. No swim suit, no shorts, no t-shirts . . . Have you ever vacationed in Jamaica in jeans and a winter sweater? Can you imagine how it smelled after 3 days?

Expand full comment

🤬😤, Elaine!

Ever since our ordeal last week, I’ve heard LOTS of people complain bitterly about both Dallas & AA. AA is going to get an earful when we get back from Japan this coming weekend (don’t want them to pull anything further on us until we’re home). Not that it will do any good

Expand full comment