Climate Panic Has Reached Cruising Altitude
Today's forecast: Cloudy with a chance of totalitarian control
Well, folks, the unthinkable has happened. A toddler’s gotten a bruise on a flight over Europe, and it’s all your fault for driving that gas-guzzling SUV. At least, according to the expert class of professional panickers who now treat a not-so-smooth skyride like it’s the opening scene of The Day After Tomorrow.
According to multiple international news sources, an Italy-bound Ryanair flight had to make an emergency landing in Germany after running into turbulence that was less “light chop” and more “roller coaster from hell.” Eight passengers were injured, including a toddler and an unlucky 59-year-old who suffered unspecified back pain (I feel you, hon).
The plane was heading from Berlin to Milan with 179 passengers and six crew when it hit rough skies and detoured to Memmingen, Bavaria. Paramedics met the flight, checked everyone out, and three people went to the hospital for further care. Everyone else got band-aids and Ryanair’s deepest apologies (which may or may not have included a snack voucher).
Let’s review the stats:
Flight: 1
Passengers: 179
Injured: 8
Seriously injured: 0
Toddlers with boo-boos: 1
Global headlines generated: ∞
In USA Today’s coverage, precisely half the “reporting” is dedicated to the details of the event; the other half is an anemic, fact-free attempt to pin the in-flight agitation on that slippery scoundrel, climate change.
This “trend” is likely to continue, you see, because of climate change. No evidence or explanation required. Allow me to share the hard-hitting journalistic explanation behind that bold claim here (all emphasis mine):
According to Paul Williams, a professor of atmospheric science at the University of Reading, there's no clear data on how climate change is affecting mountain waves or convective turbulence, but clear air turbulence is definitely becoming more frequent and intense.
"It's going up because of climate change," Williams told USA TODAY last year. "The atmosphere is getting more turbulent; there will be more severe turbulence in the atmosphere."
Thomas Guinn, chair of applied aviation sciences at Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University, agreed. "Turbulence is going to tend to become more frequent and more intense with climate change," he said.
That is not me making fun of anyone, I swear. That is—verbatim—the actual news report.
So, to recap: Clear air turbulence, which is turbulence that occurs in clear air, is becoming more frequent and more intense because the turbulence, which is now more turbulent, is increasingly and intensely more frequent due to climate change, which is changing the climate.
Is Kamala Harris writing for USA Today now?
This kind of intellectual vaporware is a wildly popular media tactic—designed to make folks feel anxious about some manufactured threat [and then cave to the narrative’s demands] because “this random, unknown ‘expert’ said this vague, unsubstantiated yet terrifying thing!”
TO BE CLEAR. I am eternally, reverently, titanically thankful that I was not on that aircraft. I’ve had my fair share of mid-air mini-strokes when my plane starts shuddering and banging like a washing machine spinning a brick, and saying “turbulence isn’t really my favorite” is like saying “I’m not super into surprise bear attacks.” Even mild mid-flight jostling is up there with random teenager texts that just say “OMG MOM” or finding a king snake chilling in your pool skimmer. And if it were my toddler with the contusion, I’d probably have us both in therapy. But for the love of carbon, can we maybe put this incident into a tiny bit of global context?
On average, 100,000 commercial flights take off every single day. Multiply that by 365 and you’ve got over 36 million flights annually. According to ChatGPT, the typical flight around the world averages 125 passengers, which adds up to 4.5 billion butts in the air in any given year.
But the media mafia wants us all to believe that because eight people on one flight got jostled by a cloud, the sky is literally falling. Because climate change. Of course.
Let’s consult the FAA's own data: between 2009 and 2022—a 13-year period—163 people were “seriously injured” by turbulence. That’s 12.5 people per year. Not killed, but badly hurt. Out of billions.
To put that into perspective, more people choke to death on hot dogs each year. Way more perish taking selfies. One hundred eighty-four times more people suffer head injuries caused specifically by ceiling fans. But you don’t hear anyone issuing panicky warnings about Ball Parks’ treacherous circumference or Hampton Bay’s deadly Tropical Breeze collection. (Maybe because hot dogs and ceiling fans don’t fund political campaigns or shape global policy? Just a guess.)
But somehow, a middle-aged woman whose back is feeling cranky (um, hello? She’s a middle-aged woman. I’m going to need a baseline MRI before I’m going to be convinced that her herniated L4 was definitively caused by the sky rodeo) and a kid with a bruise in Bavaria now signal the soft launch of the end times.
Shut up, it’s Science™.
The real danger here? USA Today’s math. Because if the media truly cared about safety, they’d report that flying is still 800 times less dangerous than walking through a San Francisco Walgreens. But no, they’re too busy blaming your space heater for cumulonimbus cloud patterns over the Alps.
As Jenna’s Side readers know, the PTB are hell-bent on getting us to buy into climate change. Because if we don’t believe the planet is spontaneously combusting every time a cow burps, we might also question why a bunch of unelected bureaucrats want us to stop driving our own cars, eating meat, or owning a gas stove—while they jet-set to “climate summits” on private planes that burn enough fuel to single-handedly melt a glacier.
Climate change isn’t some sort of long-term weather report. It’s an agenda. A means to an end. A full-blown lifestyle intervention, sponsored by the same folks who brought us food pyramids designed by lobbyists and lightbulbs that require a hazmat team to clean up if you drop one. It's about control: our thermostats, our grocery lists, our cars, our land—even our water pressure.
They say it’s “for the planet,” but somehow it always ends with us making sacrifices and them getting subsidies—in the form of bigger budgets, seven-figure consulting gigs, and beachfront homes in places they promised us 10 years ago would be underwater in 10 years. (Spoiler: none of them are.)
It's not that I “deny” climate change. I’ve fully admitted that I believe the climate is changing all the time! What I adamantly reject is quietly handing over yet another freedom every time the wind shifts.
Turbulence sucks. My readers don’t. LMK what you think in the comments. :)
NOTE: Regular reader, friend, and Subscriber Spotlight superstar Laura Kasner tipped me off to the Red Pill Expo, an upcoming two-day multimedia marathon for freedom-lovers and truth-seekers. (Laura’s clot-carrying counterpart Tom Haviland will be presenting.) You’ll need tickets to attend in person (July 11-2 in Tulsa); livestream viewing is free for all (but requires registration). Should be an eye-opening time! Hope to “see” you all there. :)
A couple days ago I stubbed my toe on a tree root. I blame climate change. The trees have clearly had enough and they are acting out.
Whenever I see the media run these 'climate change' scam stories, it reminds me of a job I had as a kid, in the kitchens of a hotel. The chef would send me on little fool's errands, like the time he told me to go and ask the bar manager for a 'long weight'. The management were all in on it, and how they laughed as I waited patiently at the bar for what turned out to be a very long wait. In other words, if you are stupid enough to listen to it, you deserve every bit of the angst and mockery it entails.