Trump Achieves Historic Win in the Middle East
TIME magazine honors the moment by photoshopping lady parts onto his neck (true story).
***NOTE: I was going to reserve this one for my paid subs, but it didn’t feel right teasing anyone with that sexy subhead, so I caved—even though I am desperately trying to make a living at this. Do you see how much I love you guys? Upgrade now so you never miss out on a post or a punchline. ;)
Let’s give credit where it’s due: President Trump’s latest diplomatic maneuver in Gaza is being framed—by even the most skeptical, TDS-riddled corners of the media—as a turning point. A geopolitical Chupacabra. A Blessed-Mary-in-a-grilled-cheese miracle.
Trump delivered what no one thought was possible or had managed to do—freeing Israeli hostages, releasing Palestinian prisoners, and brokering a ceasefire. What once would’ve been dismissed as fantasy political theater is already being called the signature foreign policy moment of Trump’s second term.
By both sides.
Yes, even Democrats are managing to cough up praise. (Mostly.) Biden congratulated “President Trump and his team for their work to get a renewed ceasefire deal over the finish line” (after implying he did most of the heavy lifting during his own term, but whatever). Bill Clinton insisted “Trump and his administration deserve great credit.” Chuck Schumer put out a glowing press release mentioning POTUS by name. Kamala Harris couldn’t quite bring herself to peck out rhymes-with-frump, but she did share a statement thanking “the leaders and partners whose efforts made this agreement possible, including the President and his team,” which was big of her. Celebrities known for skewering His Orangeness are openly changing their tunes. Jimmy Kimmel, of all people, was forced to admit that Trump “finally did something positive.”
“Good work on that one, President Trump,” Kimmel added. “Maybe now you could not invade Portland. Just an idea.” Hey, comics gonna comic.
Time didn’t just run a two-paragraph puff piece. They plastered his presidential mug on their cover with the title “HIS TRIUMPH.” The story within lauds Trump’s negotiating tactics, references his “art of the deal” approach to business success applied to war and diplomacy, and positions the achievement as not merely a hostage swap, but a historic victory for a man the media paints as someone who probably thinks Hamas is a Mediterranean dipping sauce.
So, the arc goes like this: Trump clinches a deal that gives him rare bipartisan applause, commands international attention, earns cover-story coronation—and then proceeds to lose his mind over the photo they chose.
It’s not just a floating crown—it’s a tiny floating crown. I mean, not that anyone is suggesting he’s a king or anything, but if you’re going to go to the trouble of hinting at royal headgear, at least make it size-appropriate. The nerve!
In Trump’s defense, it is a terrible photo. Awful, actually. The Worst of All Time is not even hyperbolic. The lighting’s bad, the angle’s worse, his actual name appears nowhere on the spread, and whoever approved the whole mess should be fired immediately. Believe me, everyone says so. Was it accidental? Absolutely not. This is a magazine that’s made no attempt to hide its disdain for the commander-in-chief, calling him a bully who is unfit for office, among countless other unflattering things.
Time editor-in-chief: “Yes, dammit, we have to run the story. With a cover.”
Time staff: “But can we, like, pick the worst picture ever taken—maybe one where he looks massively fat and nearly bald and he’s got a wrinkly, ropy turkey neck that looks like a vagina?”
Time editor-in-chief: “We can and we will.”
*If anyone wants to nominate the above exchange for a Best Documentary Short Film Academy Award, feel free.
Fox, bless their hearts, spun the photo as “Trump looking confidently onward.” The internet is not buying it. In fact, they’re calling out the once-respected rag for being comically petty and taking to Canva to fix what Time clearly flubbed.
At the end of the day, Trump made history and Time made themselves look like a jealous, vindictive ex. The whole thing is objectively hilarious. Only Teflon Don could bring peace to the Middle East and keep the masses entertained with ego-driven Truths about disappearing hair and floating crowns. It’s statesmanship meets stand-up comedy—and I’m here for all of it.
What did you think of Time’s coverage—and Trump’s response? LMK in the comments! And please don’t forget to like and share. ❤️
Clearly Time Magazine did it on purpose. They can’t let him have a win. It goes against their leftist narrative. I hope their shitty magazine collapses. That’s just tacky and in poor taste. No excuse
Sure the peace deal was "yuge." But if he really wants to create a legacy, he should sign an EO to make Kimmel, Colbert, and the rest of "late-night" funny again. That would be a miracle.