Galling, right? I mean it would be like the buzzkill lifeguard announcing that they were going to insist the pool has water in it before letting kids dive in, or an airplane mechanic suggesting a thorough engine check prior to take-off. Seriously, when did people get so responsible? What ever happened to flirting with danger; taking a few fun risks; living on the edge?
Despite the hysterical attacks, Kennedy was in peak fighting form. The first smackdown was at the expense of Oregon Senator Ron “were you lying then or are you lying now” Wyden. [Note: I’ve taken the liberty of paraphrasing all of the dialogue here, but I promise you, my version is way more fun while still capturing the sentiments expressed. I’m including links to the actual content so that you can verify.]
Wyden: “Kennedy wears a tin hat when he’s at home alone. I saw it through the window when I was camped out in his bushes.”
Kennedy: “I’m sorry, how many eons have you been pretending to play a public servant on TV? Six hundred? All I know is that you’ve been warming that bench since before chronic disease in kids was even a thing and now more than three out of every four children is saddled with some awful, preventable condition. And how many times have you asked why is this happening? How many times did you express your deep concern? How many committees have you formed or studies have you ordered to address it? Hang on, let me look [pretends to check notes]. Oh yeah, zero.
Kennedy: No, in fact, it’s not. And every single meeting we had during her sweeping twenty-seven day tenure was packed with people, so let me know if you’d like me to round up some witnesses for you.
When Colorado Senator Michael “you fired my friends and I’m never going to let you forget it” Bennet accused Kennedy of not being transparent hahahaha he really did, Kennedy nailed him to the wall, pointing out the elephant that Bennet rode into the room on: the bureaucracy that rubber-stamped Big Pharma’s every hiccup while chronic disease rates exploded like Mentos in Diet Coke.
Kennedy: “You were awfully quiet when your medical mafia buddies were pushing through all those products with zero safety testing for the last sixteen years.”
Cantwell: “We used to have all of these terrible illnesses and now we don’t. And you want to take away our vaccines.”
Kennedy [in his head, surely]: “Well, we also used to drink water with feces in it, Senator. Cholera didn’t disappear because Pfizer showed up—it vanished because we stopped guzzling sewage. Have you ever read an actual book?”
And what Senate hearing would ever be complete without a melodramatic outburst by Massachusetts Senator Elizabeth “she/her/hers” Warren? This time, the Pharma-funded finger-wagger accused Kennedy of “effectively denying vaccines” by not recommending them for perfectly healthy people. Warren is bent—and I mean bent—that Kennedy has removed Covid vaccine vending machines from every street corner in America, and she’s not going to let up until he promises to reinstall them.
Warren: “You pinky-promised that you’d never take away anyone’s vaccine. I have it on tape. Would you like to hear yourself saying that, Mr. Kennedy?”
Kennedy: “I’m so sorry, Liz. I’d love to personally sign off on every syringe that comes down the Pfizer pike, but—stupid job technicality—I’m not supposed to do that unless I’m positive a product is unquestionably safe. I could actually get in [stage whisper] big trouble.”
Warren: “Look, we let you in here because you promised to keep the vaccine drive-through open 24/7. And now you’re saying that it might be closed from 10:30 to 11 on Thursdays? That is unacceptable.”
Kennedy: “I realize that half an hour would have eaten into the $855,000 you’ve taken from pharmaceutical companies, but I’m just doing my job.”
“Every member of this panel has criticized President Trump,” Kennedy fired back. “Are you complicit in the assassination attempts against him?”
Basically, Kennedy promised that he and his agency are going to fix everything that’s made America one of the fattest, weakest, sickest nations on Earth. He pledged to end gain-of-function science experiments from hell, put nutrition back in medical education, fight child mutilation, and help kids cut down on phone and screen time. He pointed out the CDC’s historic corruption and failed policies, particularly during Covid—anyone remember trying to mask a toddler?—and vowed to return the bureau to its role as the planet’s gold standard public health agency.
Predictably, Democrats acted like he’d just announced a plan to outlaw birthdays and banish puppies from the country. What on earth is even controversial here? Unless you’re cashing checks from Big Pharma, Big Food, or Big Cellphone, how do you object to food that’s not coated in chemicals, doctors who know an Omega-3 from WD-40, and infants who aren’t being swaddled in iPads? It’s like watching customers freak out because a restaurant stops serving trashcan lettuce.
Did you tune in? If so, what did you think? I mean, beyond a) it was painful, b) Bobby killed it, and c) our Senate is actually populated by feral toddlers who were never taught that interruptingother people is downright rude and that anyone with three working neurons can spot a sellout in a congressional lineup.
Good funny summary .. even if painfully funny.. the bright side, as you point out and as anyone with a room temperature IQ can see, the hysteria of the steamroller inquisitors (who wouldn’t let Bobby answer for fear of being nakedly exposed) was an utter defeat for their $ driven agenda .. the status quo about our sick system is terrible and America knows it - so firing the whole corrupt and incompetent CDC staff is most welcome news! Thanks for posting this!
Obviously the Senators are protecting their benefactors and future campaign contributions. Here’s the rub; current law allows these agencies and employees to accept private grants and donations like a they’re a charity. Anyone with half a brain can see the conflict of interest here. In order to truly change the ecosystem of the CDC and FDA, they need to change the law to prevent this.
Good funny summary .. even if painfully funny.. the bright side, as you point out and as anyone with a room temperature IQ can see, the hysteria of the steamroller inquisitors (who wouldn’t let Bobby answer for fear of being nakedly exposed) was an utter defeat for their $ driven agenda .. the status quo about our sick system is terrible and America knows it - so firing the whole corrupt and incompetent CDC staff is most welcome news! Thanks for posting this!
Obviously the Senators are protecting their benefactors and future campaign contributions. Here’s the rub; current law allows these agencies and employees to accept private grants and donations like a they’re a charity. Anyone with half a brain can see the conflict of interest here. In order to truly change the ecosystem of the CDC and FDA, they need to change the law to prevent this.