Maybe the Last Thing I'll Say about Epstein
Okay, probably not and it’s just a fantasy but hear me out.
It sounded like typical government gaslighting at first: As you are surely well aware, after months of teasing epic Epstein revelations (“We're reviewing the list.” “The list is on my desk.” “You're gonna love the list, folks. It’s incredible. Some people say it's the best list ever assembled.”), the Trump administration finally announced that The List™ did not, in fact, exist.
That’s not the only thing some of us didn’t see coming. Although there’s been plenty of outrage in the MAGA camp, it’s Democrats who are now clamoring the loudest for full access to the Epstein files. They want the names. They want the logs. They want the redactions un-redacted and the receipts laminated and every dirty, rotten scoundrel on that [nonexistent] list paraded through the town square for a good old-fashioned flogging.
“House Democrats try to force release of Epstein files,” Axios reported. “Republicans move to block Democratic effort to force release of Epstein files,” The Guardian countered. “MAGA, I feel bad Trump lied to you about the Epstein list,” our overly-dramatic friend Sara Pequeño at USA Today wrote.
In case you missed the irony: The same party that held the keys to the DOJ under Obama and Biden, the ones who seemed about as interested in Epstein accountability as they were in reruns of Duck Dynasty, are suddenly acting like boomers at an estate sale with a coupon and a head start. They could’ve cracked that vault wide open at any time. But now that Trump says there’s nothing in there, it’s a five-alarm national emergency.
One possibly wackadoodle theory (that I’ve hinted at before): Maybe the whole thing wasn’t an accident. Maybe Trump just executed the pettiest, most brilliant reverse-psychology psyop in modern history.
I’m not a MAGA loyalist. I do not for one second believe that DJT is anyone’s savior. I can’t count the times I’ve watched him speak and wished I could stuff one of my dirty gym socks into his mouth to stem the tide of cringy words coming out of it. But I do think he’s clever and capable and has a black belt in bear-poking.
Think about it:
Step 1: Dangle the Epstein files like a carrot on a stick. Let the rumors swirl. Get people buzzing.
Step 2: Just as anticipation peaks, shrug and say, “You know what? There is no list. The list is fake. Total hoax. Waste of time. I'm bored. Why are we even talking about this? Let’s talk about Chy-nah. Or gas prices. Or golf.”
Step 3: Watch in real time as the entire Democratic establishment—who previously treated Epstein’s client list like it was Hunter Biden’s Laptop’s ugly step-calculator—suddenly transform into transparency zealots with the urgency of a TMZ reporter spotting Taylor Swift at a Buc-ee’s.
You know how when you tell your toddler they absolutely cannot have any broccoli and suddenly they’re willing to trade you six cookies, a couple of cuddles, and their favorite snuggly for a few fresh, crisp florets?
That.
One minute, the Epstein files were a “right-wing conspiracy theory,” and the next, Chuck Schumer is shaking the DOJ’s vending machine screaming, “GIVE US THE FLIGHT LOGS!”
What if—just what if—this was the plan all along? What if Trump knew that the only way to get Democrats to care about, or even acknowledge, elite sex trafficking rings was to tell them not to?
It would be diabolical. It might be chaotic. It could backfire. It would be peak Trump.
Because here’s the kicker: Trump has actually done more to fight child trafficking than any president in recent memory. He’s signed executive orders, hosted summits, backed legislation, and made it a regular talking point—not just a photo op. Contrast that with Obama or Biden, who—correct me if I’m wrong—never even mentioned the issue unless cornered by a reporter or a campaign scandal. It’s almost like the second Trump stopped talking about it, they suddenly couldn’t shut up. Funny how that works.
He knows his base. He also knows his enemies. And if he’s learned one thing from years of battling with CNN, it’s that the quickest way to make someone believe a thing is to say the opposite very loudly.
If Trump had held a press conference and declared, “We must release the Epstein list immediately,” Democrats would’ve unleashed twelve outraged hot takes by sundown arguing why that would be irresponsible, dangerous, and probably racist.
But by calling it a “hoax” and treating it like lukewarm Jell-O salad at a church potluck, suddenly it’s the story. It’s Watergate meets the Murdaugh Murders swaddled in Tiger King wrapping paper. Throw in the former First Buddy—once head of Trump’s Department of Government Efficiency—poking around and lobbing accusations like he just unearthed Trump’s old burner phone in Epstein’s jet, and the scandal-meter really starts to hum.
But… what if—just hear me out—Elon is in on it? I know. It looks like he’s on a manic, AI-powered crusade to destroy Trump over the Epstein files (or anything else that’ll stick). He’s posted about it more than 35 times this week alone, used Grok to stir the pot, and accused Trump of orchestrating a cover-up. “Wow, amazing that Epstein ‘killed himself’ and Ghislaine is in federal prison for a hoax,” he wrote. You can hear CNN producers high-fiving over the espresso machine and clearing the prime-time schedule.
Think about the timing. Musk leaves his post at DOGE, “feuds” with Trump, then suddenly becomes the loudest voice in the whole transparency choir. I know I’m a card-carrying conspiracy theorist, but this doesn’t feel like a feud. It feels like a setup. A psyop. A Netflix-level plot twist where the billionaire tech bro pretends to go rogue just to make the Epstein files go viral. Musk posts, Trump denies, the internet explodes, and suddenly Democrats—who have routinely treated the client list like radioactive sludge—are demanding it be released. It’s classic reverse psychology. Trump cries “hoax,” and boom, the left barrels in like Scooby-Doo villains chasing a glowing file folder labeled “Phase 2.”
And if the files do get released now? If the Democrats accidentally open the vault because Trump told them not to, and half of Hollywood, a dozen senators and a former president or two tumble out of the logs? Well then, we’ll all have to tip our red hats to the man who played possum with the most explosive documents of the decade just to watch Rachel Maddow bellow, “We demand the truth!”
It would be extra. It would be reckless. It would be—let’s face it—utterly on-brand.
And it would mean Trump might’ve finally figured out the one bipartisan issue that could actually unite all of America: distrust of literally everyone on that list.
Like I said, it’s just a theory—admittedly one that’s delicious to consider. I’m ridiculously curious to hear what you guys think (*and yes, I said “you guys” even though I’ve been verbally spanked for using that gender-unfriendly term, because #I’mNotForEveryone). Let me have it in the comments. :)
I desperately want you to be right about this Jenna!
I ALWAYS say “you guys”. I’ve referred to friends and foes that way since I was six years old. I never saw a masculine bent to using it and neither did anyone else I grew up with. We all said it. That’s an old habit I will never break. Ima guy, yurra guy, he’s a guy, she’s a guy, … c’mon you guys we’re all guys.