Have a Coke and a Culture War

Coca-Cola’s customization tool has no problem with Jesus—as long as you clarify that he’s… bad.

I have a confession: I completely missed the Coca-Cola personalized-can kerfuffle back in 2024. Apparently, while I was busy writing about turd burgers, Americans were discovering that Coke’s customization tool seemed to have its own tiny, built-in DEI department.

When shoppers attempted to add copy to their overpriced cans of carbonated high-fructose corn syrup, it quickly became clear that certain words and phrases were forbidden. For example, while “Walz/Harris 2024,” “Satan is king,” and “Allah is God,” got an easy green light, the software put its digital foot down at “Jesus loves you” and “Trump 2024.”

“After complaints,” the Toronto Sun reported at the time, “Coca-Cola reportedly fixed the glitch, banning all words that are ‘trademarked, political in nature, names of countries, celebrities, religious figures, as well as anything that could be considered offensive for other reasons.’”

Phew! They fixed that pesky glitch! You may resume your doom-scrolling now. Justice has prevailed.

Fast-forward to 2026, and the story is trending on X and blowing up TikTok. Users are uploading videos and screenshots of disturbing messages the cans will—and won’t—allow. Right now. Today. After all of that glitch-fixing and everything.

Even after seeing dozens of identical posts, I still thought this cannot be real.

Gentle readers, it is real.

“The name or phrase you’ve submitted is not permitted,” the error message reads. “Names and phrases may not be permitted if they belong to a business, organization, celebrity, public figure, school, team, or other trademark, are religious or political in nature, or could be considered inappropriate or unsuitable for other reasons.”

Makes sense, I suppose. Except.

Every single pro-Christian phrase I tried got rejected. The only way I could get Jesus on that can was to add “… is bad.” Also, in case you still had a shred of faith in “fact-checkers” lingering in your heart somewhere, I present the final nail in that coffin:

This is false information, Reuters explains, because Coke said so.

The unintentionally funny part is that in the meager 2024 media coverage, this silly little snafu was “raising the ire of American conservatives.” Not American Americans—who, last time I checked, were one nation under God, not Allah. No, the offense-takers were just a bunch of uptight, Bible-thumping right-wingers looking for a reason to take up arms. Or something.

But riddle me this: shouldn’t Americans in general, like all of us, be furious that Coca-Cola—the iconic, homegrown soft drink company that gave us Santa Claus, Norman Rockwell, Mean Joe Greene, and nearly a century of Olympic sponsorships—will happily print God Bless Iran… but not God Bless America?

Sadly, it seems like Coke is woke across the board. You can be proud of your mutilated genitals, your misogynistic religion, your dark skin, and your kinky proclivities… but Coke draws the line at white. Not in America, pal. Don’t you know you’re supposed to be ashamed of your privileged, milky complexion? We will not be party to your filthy racism.

People are pissed—rightfully so, IMO—and calling for yet another boycott. Will it matter? Probably not much. Coke is a publicly traded company whose largest shareholders, you won’t be surprised to learn, are Berkshire Hathaway, Vanguard, BlackRock, and State Street. A boycott is about as threatening to Coca-Cola as an “I’ve attempted to reach you several times” message from a mortgage broker you’ve never met. The company’s market cap is north of a quarter-trillion dollars, and they’ve survived actual communists seizing their factories in Cuba. They’re not losing sleep because a few folks switched to RC Cola for a week.

You know what? Boycott the bastards anyway. It’ll feel fantastic and your pancreas will definitely thank you. But before you do, maybe order yourself a custom Prosecute Fauci can. Miraculously, that one made it through the filter. Perhaps there’s some hope to be had after all.

Try it for yourself and let me know how it goes in the comments. :)

Ooooh! ICYMI, A Midwestern Doctor, the brilliance behind The Forgotten Side of Medicine, did a deep—and I mean deep—dive into chlorine dioxide. “For over a century, remarkable therapies have been suppressed to maintain a medical monopoly at the expense of humanity,” AMD writes. If you’re curious about the establishment’s illustrious history of censoring “dangerous and unproven” (read: “inexpensive and widely available”) therapeutics, do check it out. :)

Check out the manuscript, the myth, the legend here.