Donald Trump Deserves the Nobel Peace Prize*
(*According to Donald Trump, who also insists he deserves Greenland.)
There are moments in politics that feel genuinely historic. Nixon resigning. Reagan telling Gorbachev to tear down this wall. Joe Biden calling Fox News’ Peter Doocy a “stupid son-of-a-bleep” on a hot mic. And now, Donald J. Trump graciously accepting another person’s Nobel Peace Prize like a Best Actor Oscar for a movie he wasn’t even in.
If you missed it, Venezuelan opposition leader María Corina Machado—actual Nobel laureate, democracy champion, and international human rights icon—presented her own 18-carat-gold Nobel medallion to Trump during a meeting last week. Trump beamed and accepted it like the kid who got picked to take home the class python for the summer. The White House released a commemorative photo, which shows POTUS looking downright delighted to take the coveted prize off her hands. Not confused. Not humbled. Not “realizes he didn’t technically win anything.” Just plain delighted.
If there were a thought bubble over his head, it would probably read: “Finally!”
In response, the Nobel Foundation—in its best Scandinavian indoor voice—gently reminded the world that this is not how Nobel Prizes work. Their statement, which could not have been more politely horrified, explained: “A prize cannot, even symbolically, be passed on or further distributed.” Translation: “Sir, one does not borrow a Nobel like it’s a library book.” They kept it professional, which is admirable considering we’re talking about the diplomatic equivalent of a toddler grabbing someone else’s birthday present and shouting, “MINE!”
(Meanwhile, Machado is probably just relieved that someone—anyone—is paying attention to Venezuela’s democratic struggle, even if that someone plans to store her Nobel next to his Diet Coke button.)
Trump’s communications director Steven Cheung jumped into the fray, insisting the Nobel Foundation should at least acknowledge the president’s “unprecedented accomplishments” if they won’t hand over the gold-plated validation. (Is it just me or do most people understand that superlatives are earned, not conferred? Like, if you give me your Olympic figure skating gold medal, the only thing I’ve actually achieved is… relieving you of a piece of hardware.)
To be fair, Trump does have receipts: the Abraham Accords (actual peace deals), cooling down North Korea enough to stop the missile-a-week routine, not launching any new wars, pressuring NATO members to actually pay their bills, and brokering more Middle East cooperation than the State Department had managed in decades.
Of course, only Trump would list these achievements while simultaneously waving at an empty spot on his mantel and bellowing, “HELLO? THIS IS WHERE MY NOBEL GOES. EVERYONE KNOWS IT.”
It’s no secret that Trump wants that medal. Badly. He’s been campaigning for a Nobel longer than some people campaign for president. He wanted it for North Korea. He wanted it for the Middle East. He wanted it for “peace through strength.” He wanted it, probably, for not suing Time magazine over that ghastly cover. This is not new behavior. This is a man who once suggested Obama only won a Nobel because “they liked him,” which is a pretty bold take from someone taking a victory lap after a lady from Venezuela literally regifted hers.
The scary part is, it looks an awful lot as if he’s willing to sacrifice actual world peace to get it.
That’s not me being hyperbolic. The New York Times helpfully confirms that over the weekend, Trump texted Norway’s prime minister to complain—again—about being denied the Nobel Peace Prize. In the message, Trump explained that since he was not awarded the prize, he no longer felt obligated to “think purely of Peace,” before pivoting seamlessly to Greenland, NATO, and global security. The exchange was real. The phrasing was real. The grievance was real. The only thing missing was the Nobel Foundation being cc’d.
If you’re wondering why Greenland keeps showing up in our demander-in-chief’s Nobel manifestos, a quick refresher: Trump famously wanted to buy Greenland in 2019, presenting it as a visionary real-estate deal with national-security benefits. Greenland—an autonomous territory within the Kingdom of Denmark, not some abandoned warehouse—was politely declared “not for sale,” an idea Trump apparently treated as negotiable. Trump then canceled his state visit to Denmark in retaliation, because that’s how we do diplomacy now.
Ever since, he’s talked about Greenland like it’s a beachfront property some stubborn neighbor refuses to sell him—valuable, strategically vital, and inexplicably off-limits. So when he texts Norway’s prime minister insisting the world won’t be safe until the U.S. has “Complete and Total Control of Greenland,” he’s not being figurative. He means it literally.
It’s not poetic so much as inevitable. For all the mythology around who “deserves” a Nobel, the track record isn’t exactly consistent. Biden was in office half a century and never won one. [*Pictures him in an “I served for fifty years and all I got were some lousy honorary degrees” t-shirt.] Obama basically got one for “being smiley.” Jimmy Carter was recognized for not being George W. Bush. Meanwhile, even though the Nobel Foundation insisted that the medal cannot be transferred symbolically (which is hilarious, considering the prize is arguably symbolic in the first place), Trump was more than happy to accept a gently-used award and call it his own.
Don’t look so shocked. When has Trump ever cared what a committee of international bureaucrats says he can’t do? “You can’t renegotiate NATO commitments.” “You can’t bring Kim Jong Un to the table.” “You can’t call women nasty.” “You can’t accept someone else’s Nobel Peace Prize.” Trump’s internal monologue: “Watch me.”
Honestly, the whole thing would be peak comedy if that pesky world-peace part weren’t getting in the way [*winks at Meddling Kid]: the Nobel Foundation watching their million-dollar medallion glint in Trump’s hands like a QVC collectible; Steven Cheung arguing Trump has ended “eight wars in eight months,” which is true in the “I can read the eye chart without my glasses if I squint really hard” sense; and Trump—the same man who just last week made waves for flipping off a heckler (so peaceful!)—holding the planet hostage until he gets his shiny thing. Or Greenland. Preferably both.
Trump has threatened punishing, escalating tariffs on a group of European nations if he’s not allowed to buy Greenland, home to 57,000 people. (Remember the kid in third grade who threatened to uninvite you from his birthday party if you didn’t trade your Oreos for his bruised banana? Yeah, he’s president now.) “You can trade with people, but you don’t trade people,” Denmark’s Foreign Minister Lars Lokke Rasmussen said yesterday.
Europe is holding an emergency summit Thursday, which is EU-speak for “everyone panic, but in blazers.” Option one: clap back with tariffs on $108 billion of U.S. goods starting in February—basically a six-month timeout followed by grounding America from its European allowance.
Option two: dust off the “Anti-Coercion Instrument,” a tool they’ve never actually used but love mentioning—like “Don’t make me turn this car around.” If deployed, it could lock U.S. companies out of contracts, investments, banking, and industries where we typically dominate (like digital services).
The EU insists they’re “engaging at all levels,” which is diplomatic code for “replying-all to increasingly angry emails,” but also says the ACI is very much on the table.
Meanwhile, UK Prime Minister Keir Starmer begged everyone to calm down and assured reporters he does not think Trump is planning to storm Greenland. (Which, frankly, feels like tempting fate.)
Russia declined to say whether a U.S.-owned Greenland would be good or bad, but did note—accurately—that Trump would “go down in world history” if he pulled it off. Which is the nicest thing Moscow has said about America since… ever.
NATO Secretary General Mark Rutte addressed the crisis by announcing “there is no crisis at all,” an impressively unreassuring statement if ever there was one.
In Trump’s defense (?), Greenland is strategically important—military positioning, rare-earth minerals, the whole Arctic chessboard thing. The Nobel obsession just gives the saga that unmistakable Trump twist of turning foreign policy into a high-stakes popularity contest.
Can’t wait to hear what my astute readers think about the latest geopolitical trainwreck! Please share in the comments (and share this post if you’re so inclined).
Anyone who knows even a little bit about history, understands the US has been trying to annex Greenland for 160 years because its proximity to the Arctic and Europe makes it a real national security asset. The potential for rare earth mining is just the most recent hot button topic. The real reason is so simple and so Trumpian. He wants to succeed where everyone else has failed, just like with everything else he has done during his time as president.
The US has ‘owned’ Greenland since we essentially took it over in 1941. It has been under our effective control since then. Trump is just ratifying what is essentially already true. Denmark also used to control Scotland, most of England, Norway, and Iceland too. Now they don’t. And they pretty much hate the native Greenlanders. Russia and China covet the location as a base to attack us. By making Greenland a territory of the US that stops their aggression. Is the King of Denmark going to defend Greenland? No. Is non-US NATO going to help out? No. The whole of NATO could only muster what amounts to a platoon (44) of troops. So, just sell the place and be done.
As for the Nobel Peace Prize, it’s been an unfortunate joke for the last 40 years. Talk is cheap. Ms. Machado knows that Norway and the Nobel Committee will absolutely nothing to help her poor country, but that Trump has and will. So, she’s just saying thanks to the guy who is actually helping her people.