The herd of newly minted democratic socialist congressvermin has barely had time to vacuum up the celebratory confetti and already they’re setting up the all-you-can-everything buffet. The self-appointed catering manager, you will not be surprised to learn, is none other than Abdulrahman Mohamed El-Sayed.
What’s on the menu, you ask? Affordable housing, complimentary college tuition, maybe a little universal childcare? Oh, honey. Those are just the appetizers. Michigan’s senator-elect is currently wheeling out the main course: 𝗙𝗥𝗘𝗘 𝗛𝗘𝗔𝗟𝗧𝗛𝗖𝗔𝗥𝗘 𝗙𝗢𝗥 𝗘𝗩𝗘𝗥𝗬 𝗔𝗠𝗘𝗥𝗜𝗖𝗔𝗡, 𝗙𝗥𝗢𝗠 𝗖𝗥𝗔𝗗𝗟𝗘 𝗧𝗢 𝗚𝗥𝗔𝗩𝗘. All of it, without exception. Well, maybe not your tummy tuck or your pec implants. The details are fuzzy on elective stuff. But presumably pretty much everything else goes straight to Uncle Sam’s tab. No premiums, no deductibles, no copays, no medical debt. Need a few stitches? DemSo Hospital’s got you! Got the dreaded cancer diagnosis? Your toxic cocktail of drugs will cost you exactly zero dollars and zero cents. Liver transplant, aortic valve repair, full-body titanium skeleton replacement? Nothing’s too extreme—or too expensive—for you, boo.
Sounds dreamy, right? I wonder if it comes with the FIGHT THE OLIGARCHY bumper sticker or if you need to purchase that separately.
Obviously, there’s a baby-orca-sized obstacle standing between Dr. El-Freebie and his taxpayer-funded healthcare utopia: namely one Donald J. Trump, whose own version of the ideal public health infrastructure runs [*checks notes*] diametrically opposed to this proposal. (Trump’s floated giving Americans cash to buy their own insurance, forcing hospitals to disclose prices, and lowering prescription drug costs, for reference.)
But El-Sayed has concocted what I have to admit is a diabolically clever way to bridge the gap: he’s offering the naming rights to his pipe dream to POTUS. Hat tip, you magnificent grifter. You basically just dangled a lifetime supply of hairspray in front of a beauty-pageant contestant.
“Donald, if you’re watching, we can put your name on it,” El-Sayed taunted Trump during a sit-down with CNN’s Kaitlan Collins on Tuesday. “I know you like to put your name on stuff.”
He doesn’t even care what they call it, you see. He just wants everyone to have healthcare.
Well, isn’t that magnanimous?
The brilliance of El-Sayed’s Machiavellian pitch is that he wins no matter what. If POTUS approves Trumpcare for All, the future senator gets the sweeping government healthcare program of his socialist dreams. If Trump refuses, El-Sayed gets to throw up his hands and say, I even offered to let the man take all the credit, and he STILL wouldn’t give Americans free healthcare. If Trump takes the bait and the plan’s a success, El-Sayed gets the bragging rights. If it fails? Well, what did you expect from TRUMPcare? It’s a political mousetrap baited with a gold-plated nametag.
It’s an impressive amount of thought to put into the name of the program. Now do the price tag.
You know the old saying, “There’s no such thing as a free lunch”? Turns out it applies to breakfast, dinner, healthcare, housing, and pretty much everything else politicians promise to hand out like Tic Tacs. None of these things grows on trees, reproduces asexually, or materializes when somebody in Washington waves a magic wand. Somebody, somewhere, is paying for it. And more often than not, that somebody is us—the people currently being offered the wonderful free thing. It’s a neat little trick: take the money out of one pocket, run it through Washington, and return it to the other pocket with a little card that says, “You’re welcome.”
Now, could your new tax bill be less than what you currently pay for insurance? Sure. Could it be more? Also sure. Seems like something we should establish before alerting the Nobel committee.
But never mind the money for a second. Let’s talk about the actual logistics of this thing. Because “you won’t get a bill” and “there’s a doctor who can see you in this decade” are two very different promises. You can declare every hamburger in America free tomorrow. You have not, in doing so, created any additional cows—or figured out who’s going to raise them, butcher them, cook them, and serve them to 340 million suddenly ravenous customers.
Same goes for doctors. If millions of Americans who’ve been putting off medical care because they can’t afford it suddenly start making appointments, who’s going to manage the avalanche? You haven’t magically created more doctors, nurses, operating rooms, or hours in the day. And if the government is going to decide what providers get paid, it might be worth asking how many will stick around for the privilege of having their salaries determined by people who couldn’t pass high school biology.
Before we put Washington in charge of MyTrumpcareChart, can we ask a few questions? Like, who qualifies? Do you need to be a legal citizen? (Presumably not… and don’t get me started on the ID part.) What gets covered? What doesn’t? Are there limits? Conditions? What happens when there’s a three-year waitlist to see the surgeon you need to save your life today? Who decides whether you actually need that surgery? Your doctor? You? Or some government-appointed bean counter whose medical credentials consist of having successfully completed the workplace CPR video? Sure, getting rid of insurance companies sounds fantastic—until you discover you’ve simply replaced the guy denying your claim with a federal employee who has 37 paid holidays and absolutely no incentive to return your call.
Naturally, this plan will draw support. There are folks who’d line up for Free Face Punches if you hung a sign. I am not one of them. But if you set up an Anything But What We Have Now shop, I’ll admit I’d be open to perusing the brochure.
The reality is no sane human would deny that our current system is a spectacular, irredeemable disaster. Most of us pay thousands of dollars a year for health insurance that, for all practical purposes, should be called If You Get Hit By a Bus It Might Cost You a Little Less™. The internet is teeming with stories of insured patients being charged outrageous prices for procedures, only to discover the secret cash-pay price would have cost a tiny fraction of the bloated insurance quote.
Think about that. We’ve managed to turn health insurance into a luxury membership program whose chief perk is higher prices. Thanks, Obama!
There was a time when you went to the doctor, the doctor examined you, and you paid the doctor (sometimes in sacks of potatoes or live chickens; oh, to go back!). Now you pay an insurance company to negotiate with a hospital billing department, which negotiates with a satellite business office somewhere in the Philippines, which sends you a statement explaining that your $8,000 procedure has been discounted to $4,600, of which your insurance generously paid $0.
Congratulations! You spent $7,500 this year to save $3,400.
So, yeah. When someone comes along promising to eliminate premiums, deductibles, copays, and the possibility of bankruptcy over a diagnosis, I get the appeal of “put it on the Underhill’s.” Who doesn’t love spending other people’s money? There’s a reason open bars, expense accounts, and rich aunts who say “get whatever you want” rarely require a hard sell.
But “Who pays?” is only half the question. The other—arguably more important—half is “What am I getting?”
Here’s a little spoiler for jubilant junior socialists out there: When someone promises FREE HOUSING FOR ALL, I regret to inform you they’re not talking about Malibu mansions. You’re going to be lucky to get a drafty, questionably safe, fourth-floor walk-up apartment with a window that’s been painted shut and an oven you can only open when the bathroom door is closed. You wanted an ocean view? Put a box of fish sticks in the freezer.
If you’re currently sleeping under an overpass, that apartment would be a godsend. I’m not mocking the need. I’m questioning the premise. Because “everyone gets one” tells us nothing about how good the thing is. Or how long you’ll have to wait for it. Or what happens when the roof starts leaking, the heat goes out, and the landlord informs you that repairs are scheduled for the second Tuesday of Neveruary.
According to a September KFF poll, 66% of Americans said they favored Medicare for All. That’s a relatively impressive number, until you read the rest of the survey results. When you tell them the program might increase their taxes, support drops to 35%. Mention possible delays in medical tests or treatment, and it plummets to 24%.
In shocking news, most people love screaming deals. Far fewer love the fine print that invariably comes with them.
$19.99/month for unlimited talk, text, and data!*
*After the first 11 minutes, texts will be delivered by carrier pigeon. Pigeon sold separately. Unlimited calls exclude nights, weekends, weekdays, and calls.
Drive a brand-new Mercedes for only $199/month!*
*With $48,000 down, flawless credit, and five-figure penalties for exceeding the 1,500 mile/year maximum.
Free healthcare for everyone!*
*Higher taxes, longer waits, fewer available providers included. Availability contingent on the continued solvency of the United States Treasury.
If our current system were a car, it’d be a 1987 Yugo with three flat tires and a check-engine light that’s been on since the Clinton administration. That is not an argument for buying a replacement without looking under the hood. To be clear, I’m not opposed to fixing healthcare. I’m begging someone to fix healthcare. But tell me what I’ll pay. Tell me what I’ll get. Tell me what happens when I need a specialist and the next appointment is somewhere between Thanksgiving and the heat death of the universe. Convince me that putting public health in the hands of the people who run the DMV is a good idea. Then we can talk about whose name goes on the building.
Until then, I’d like to pass on the healthcare version of FREE SIX-PACK ABS!*
*With purchase of $49.99 supplement, 7,000 daily sit-ups, and a strict diet of sadness. Actual abs sold separately.
POLL REDUX FOR FINICKY PHONES:
How do you feel about taxpayer-funded healthcare for all?
Sign me up!
Show me the tax bill.
Depends on who “all” is.
I like Trump’s option.
*combo/unsure/other
I want it like it was in the 60's when I was a child. No insurance. More "reasonable" pricing with local Drs. and affordable for people to have healthcare in the hospital. The average person could afford to have healthcare. Our Dr had an account for my parents, who had six children and my mother would pay a weekly payment until caught up. My father worked in a paper mill and my mother took care of the home and kids. We did not run to the Dr every two minutes. None of this unnecessary specialties like pediatricians. We were healthy and happy. Then HMO's came along and everything went to shit and hell. I won't go to the Dr., take any poison jabs or medications. I have 0 trust of the medical system.
Back in the 1960s, when most of us were not born or aware, healthcare was cheap. My mom told me she paid $5.00 for my dr. appointment in the 1970s.
In the 1990s, when my children were born (92 and 97) I saw a dramatic change in healthcare costs for the annual checkup as it continued to increase in cost. By 1997, there was a charge for everything – eye test, ear test, etc. It still was a copay of $20.00, but the bill had increased dramatically.
And with more government “assistance” it’s only gotten more expensive.
Same thing with college cost (student loans guaranteed colleges got their funds and thus increased the costs, expanding their administrative state. Same thing with housing, drugs. Everything the government touches makes the cost go up, higher and higher.
Gee, one might think that “it’s the government, stupid” that raises the cost of everything.