110 Comments

Does anyone remember “chain letters”? You send $1 to seven friends with instructions for them to send $1 to seven of their friends, including you and the person who sent you the letter, and you end up collecting a brazillion dollars. 😂😂😂 I always wondered exactly how many ppl actually tried this? And then it started again, but with books, or children’s books. Maybe it’s my lack of faith in humanity that anyone would send me money (or a book) because of a completely unsolicited letter.

Expand full comment

OMG my dad got one once and was like WE ARE GONNA BE RICH! I kid you not, he bought a mailing list and had me and my BFF do all the printing/envelope stuffing and the deal was he would put up all the money, we would do all the work, and we'd split the jackpot 50/50. (He did this with the old lotto tickets, too, the ones you had to manually fill out. He'd buy hundreds at a time, I am not kidding.) We did not get any dollars back, but we DID get a cease and desist letter from the Postmaster General. Hahahahaha he was cute.

Expand full comment

And if you break the chain, you have bad luck! Dollar bills were one thing, but then it was “send recipes”, and then devolved into sending k͇i͇t͇c͇h͇e͇n͇ ͇t͇o͇w͇e͇l͇s͇!

Expand full comment

Kitchen towels??? UM NO THANK YOU. I'm far too picky. Same goes for random recipes! Isn't that what Pinterest is for? (I actually have a pinterest board titled "shit that looks good but I'll probably never make" true story. https://www.pinterest.com/jennawrites/shit-that-looks-good-but-ill-probably-never-make/)

Expand full comment

Haha, don’t fall for that glitter one!

Expand full comment

bahahahahahahahaha (good think I'll never make ANY of those recipes!!!)

Expand full comment

😂🤣😂 I made those baked jalapeño poppers once. Labor intensive and just, meh.

Expand full comment

Okay, call me a sap, I did the recipe one and still have a handful of good recipes I got that way!

Expand full comment

Good for you! I just know what I like, and it probably isn’t your split pea soup or stuffed green peppers.🤷‍♀️🤣 #PickyBitch

Expand full comment

🤣🤪

Expand full comment

I used to get those chain emails from superstitious friends. I would reply that I would break the chain and take the chance because I wasn't a person that would send my friends bad luck.

Expand full comment

I got in one once that was $50 and about the time I could get rich the government stopped it and they missed out on all that capital gains and income tax.

Expand full comment

Dammit!!! I remember wondering why they would stop it, too. That’s good money for the post office! Why do they care???

Expand full comment

I will always wonder about this. Over 20 years ago I ran a free drawing in my business for one of my own handmade custom saddles. In order to enter all anyone had to do was send me a self addressed stamped #10 envelope to get the entry form to fill out and return. It was to build a mailing list. A friend had a magazine and paid for the advertising in another non competitive magazine if I would stuff the envelope with a subscription to his magazine.

If someone wanted a printed color brochure from me instead of the SASE they could send me $1 to cover my cost. Lots of $1 cash came in but at the same time a lady I knew that worked in the Post office got caught and sent to prison for stealing money out of envelopes. I always wondered how many of my brochure requests she intercepted. Maybe chain letters too!

As it turned out, it cost me about $5000 to give a custom saddle to the winner from Tennessee.

The best laid plans of mice and men! LOL

Expand full comment

See my note above about the math. The PO stopping it probably had something to do with anti-racketeering laws. (Or maybe they are just mean people who don't have a sense of humor, but I don't think so.)

Expand full comment

If you do the math on chain letters: 7 x 7 equals 49, 49 x 7 equals 343, 343 x 7 equals 2401, etc., you arrive at a classic pyramid scheme which rather quickly, as these things go, encompasses the population of your country, your continent, the world. That's why chain letters don't work.

Expand full comment

Brilliant! And apparently you don’t live in Florida, where you’d have to create the ice water using ice, first. Our tsp water comes in at about a balmy 90 degrees.

Expand full comment

Same here in Sun City, AZ where summer temps fluctuate from 105°-120° from June until October. (YES, 120°!). We can turn off our hot water heater for four months and not even notice much of a difference. ***But it’s a dry heat!

Expand full comment

Hahahaha *dry heat*! The first time I went to Palm Springs it was about 110 and people kept saying that and I was like, are you all actually INSANE? Heat is heat. (Obviously wet-humid-heat is far worse, but it's still HOT!) Also I live in Texas, which is also remarkably warm, and I still get freezing water out of my shower! Maybe because the ground in Texas is basically a giant stone so it insulates the pipes? IDK!

Expand full comment

Yes, Jenna, they are insane! Anything over 105° is simply unbearable. And when it’s 115° everything just withers up and dies. Last summer so many of our beautiful Saguaro cactus died from the crazy intense heat. But they keep building more malls and apartments and roads and parking lots … which just makes it hotter. I wake up at 4:00am to walk my dogs and it’s still 95-100° because it never cools off. I AM OVER IT! Just bought a 40-acre ranch in NE AZ, at 5700ft elevation. I’ll take the cold over the heat any day.

Expand full comment

OMG JEALOUS!!!

Expand full comment

Well, if you’re ever out here in AZ drop me a PM and come visit. As long as dogs and cats and chickens and pigs and donkeys and mules don’t bother you! We’ll have plenty of room for a few people!

We ran a cattle ranch for five years before my husband “unretired” and brought me back down to the valley. (Phoenix area)

I told him I’d only tolerate it for five years. And his five years are up!! I’m a woman of my word. 😁😁

Expand full comment

Don't threaten ME with a good time! *dusts off boots and spurs*

Expand full comment

Depends on what part of Texas and whether it’s city water or well water, too. We’re on well water with an above ground tank in South Central Texas and in summer our water is lukewarm at best and hot in August!

Expand full comment

We are on city water but I would much rather have my own well and lukewarm water!

Expand full comment

Humidity really does make a difference, and this is from a gal who grew up without air conditioning in a home situated next to a river and a marsh in Maryland, where the humidity would get up into the 80-90%'s, with temperatures in the 90's. At 17, I even worked a summer on a wildlife refuge during a heat wave. (The water fights were epic!) I currently try to take regular walks during the humid D.C. metro area summers, but they're nothing compared to the 3 LONG summers (WITH air conditioning, thank God!) I spent in the Houston, TX area.

I also spent several weeks with my brother in 2012 in the dry heat of Austin (our transmission "conveniently" died when we tried to leave town), when it hit 110°. Yes, it was hot, but it wasn't the typical humid "slap you in the face - wall of sticky heat," or "I'm trying to suck some air through all this thick, soupy mixture of muck!" Which meant that I forgot exactly how hot it was, until we got into our black rental car (WHY does TX have BLACK rental cars?!!), and touched the metal seat belt - and scorched my hand! And you can't take your children to the water park without water shoes, because they will burn the bottoms of their feet! My boys never complained about the temperature - they complained about the seat belts and their feet, (Until I bought a pair of water shoes for the son who didn't have any), and other associated heat-related problems.

Just my opinion, but when you're accustomed to high humidity heat - the problems associated with dry heat are different. Probably more dangerous, but MUCH less unpleasant.

Expand full comment

My parents still tell me to not go to sleep with my hair wet because it causes headaches, but sometimes I do wake up with a headache so maybe they are right sometimes? Either way, it's definitely in my head.

People still believe in the two party system when it's been made abundantly clear that they are all in bed with one another. Speaking of which, have you seen the latest Tom MacDonald video on this subject? https://youtu.be/najeyO0CuXw

Mosimportantaball, how are your hair's cuticles?

Expand full comment

Ha! Also are you related to TM? His manager? Just a good old fashioned celeb crush? ;) The funny part is, without a whole lot of product and muscle, my hair is still a frizzy mess. But--as you do--I generally think, "I wonder how bad it would be if I *didn't* do this? God, I'm an idiot.

Expand full comment

Everywhere in TX except West TX is humid = frizz.

Being born, raised & still living in the desert southwest, “dry heat” really is a thing. Yeah, hotter than hell at times but add in 100% humidity everywhere else & you’re a soaking wet mess from head to toe & not in a cooling way. I absolutely hate humidity 🫤

Expand full comment

THE WORST. Austin is weird, it can be super dry one day and disgustingly humid the next. I wear a lot of hats.🤣

Expand full comment

Hat give me hat hair, which is worse then frizz.

Expand full comment

The worst is that sticky sweat in your hair on the back of your neck - ugh!😣

Expand full comment

For some people, humid = frizz, but for me, humid = flat as a pancake! I HATE humidity!! I’m so glad to be back on the High Plains of West Texas after many years in the Dallas area. I’ll take the dry wind any day!

Expand full comment

I grew up in El Paso, Texas and didn’t understand humidity until I moved to southwest Louisiana!

Expand full comment

I wish I was related! Just a fan boy with a man crush haha. He is fully independent so he manages himself...come on now Jenna! How dare you.

lol! You're not because even if your cuticles don't benefit, you always know in the back of your mind that the cold shower endings give you all the benefits that Joe Rogan and Wim Hof have both extensively talked about.

Expand full comment

I nipped my finger real good on the cooling fan of my my lawn mower. It hurt for a while, I cleaned it, the bleeding stopped. You know the chorus, "you need stiches and a tetnus shot". I feel lucky, I bet I won't be one of the 8 people who die of tetnus this year. To be safe though, I bought a lottery ticket.

Expand full comment

Let me count the ways Vicks cure’s everything. 😁

Expand full comment

And Windex! 🤣

Expand full comment

😂🤣 I read "Vicks," and mentally thought "And Windex!" But you beat me to it.

Expand full comment

Great minds 🧠 🧠

Expand full comment

Love it!! I heard or read (and generally believed) almost everything in your list. Unsealed hair cuticles would be the worst!But at this stage of my life, I’m not willing to undergo too much discomfort, even for something as important as hair cuticles. My shower has two shower heads on opposite sides, so I turn one to nice-and-toasty, and let the other dribble cold water that I put my head partially under for a few seconds. Problem solved!

Expand full comment

Genius!

Expand full comment

My mom said that the commies would take us from within. She was so right! It's a long game.

Expand full comment

As always, you nailed it! Loving your unique take on the absurdity of the world as I sit here waiting all day to be called for jury duty. Big screen TV on continuously here - Wtf?? The drug adds??? Take XYZ drug for great sex! (Gray-haired couple dancing in the forest)

“Side effects include: dementia!”

So you’ll have great sex but not remember it!!

Talk about repeating propaganda - is everyone (anyone) believing ANY of these drugs are worth THE RISKS?? Blood clots,

Arthritis, suicidal thoughts, breathing difficulties, heart failure, ANAL LEAKAGE, on and on. Just thought this was somehow fitting to the discussion <<grin>>

Expand full comment

And we are one of TWO countries (I see you NZ) on the planet who allow this BS. (Maybe you will actually have even worse sex--but not remember it!) We're so screwed.

Expand full comment

I just read today about the deadly side effects from a new Alzheimer's drug, Leqembi. I can't find the original article, unfortunately. It can cause brain bleeding and swelling. My memory (which, TBH, is not completely trustworthy since a previous concussion) is the article said that they increased the allowable pre-existing "microbleeds" to 3 or 4, to be able to get the drug. Some have died of brain bleeds after getting the drug, and the modest benefit is questionable, given the risk. Yet, when I just did the search - the reports on the drug appear to be much more favorable than the article I read this morning.

Every time a physician recommends a medication to me, I research it fully before picking it up from the pharmacy. Sometimes, if it's just a recommendation - I will say that I will have to think about it. We all need to be much more thoughtful about any medication we agree to take, because we certainly can no longer trust the FDA, the AMA, or the rest of the medical establishment.

Expand full comment

The only way I'd ever take a Pharma product again (*except IVM and maaaaybe antibiotics) is if it were 100% guaranteed I'd die if I didn't. I'd need that in writing. Otherwise, I'll be over here with my oils and my berries and a prayer. ;)

Expand full comment

My mom told us that if we made a ugly or funny face it could freeze that way for the rest of our lives. We believed her.

Expand full comment

I believed that one as well.

Expand full comment

As to the round earth, until I explained gravity to my mom, she knew the Earth was round but was taught we lived inside the globe otherwise, why didn't we fall off. I heard that other people believed this too including Hitler who thought they could bounce radio signals off of the inside of the globe and detect where the enemy was. They probably taught this in school once upon a time!

Expand full comment

She must have been buddies with Calvin's (of Calvin and Hobbes) parents! 😄

Expand full comment

"sink like a piano" A new simile always brings a SMILE!

Expand full comment

“What if I run out of them“ and other things that keep me up at night.🤣

Expand full comment

My mother told my sister and I that if we ate cotton candy we would get worms. Of course we ate it when we got older just to prove her wrong. 😩😂🤣. But we probably did get worms because our dear mother was so very right about so very many things. We will forever miss that very wise woman.

She left this earth suddenly (heart attack) 27 years ago this month. 😢

Expand full comment

Sorry Laura Kasner 😢🙏

Expand full comment

Depressing to realize I've been denying just how many "braindead, half-blind fools" there are in the world.

Expand full comment

No ridiculous lies to report other than the ones you talked about, Jenna. But I can agree that perimenopause is wild--and lasted 17 plus years for me. Being female is not for the faint-hearted.

Expand full comment

Yeah- the trans women get to be pretend women without all the ‘fun’ experiences of periods, pms, surprise pregnancy, menopause etc.

Expand full comment

I am not here to trash trans women. They don't bother me at all. But being a woman is about so much more than just physical appearances or a physical body. The mind, heart, and soul of a woman count just as much. But then, that applies to being a man, too. And I think Jenna's Dad encapsulated what is most important about being a man and a Dad.

Expand full comment

I agree with ALL of this!

Expand full comment

“But being a woman is about so much more than just physical appearances or a physical body. The mind, heart, and soul of a woman count just as much. “. Absolutely 💯, a person may think they’re anything they wish but it doesn’t make it true. I have compassion for those with a real confusion on their sexual identity.

Expand full comment

Aunt Marge told me eating tomato's would grow hair on my chest.

And if you had hairy arms you were going to marry a rich man.

Expand full comment

Ha! And rain on your wedding day is really good luck! Tell that to the wedding coordinator and the caterer and oh yeah, the bride.🙈

Expand full comment

Pick a dandelion and you pee your pants per my mom .

Expand full comment

Wow, she REALLY wanted to protect her dandelions!

Expand full comment

I still avoid cracks because “ step on a crack, break your mother’s back.” Even though I realized it wasn’t true.

Expand full comment

I wrote my best friend's memoir, which is the story of her dysfunctional, abusive childhood and very ill, wheelchair-bound mother. One chapter is three sentences long: "My anxiety was at an all-time high. It was three roundtrip miles from my house to Stanley Elementary, a trip that took me twice as long as it should have because I couldn't step on a single crack. The *last* thing my mother needed was a broken back." (My friend was about eight at the time.)

https://www.amazon.com/Size-Everything-memoir-Erin-Cole/dp/0979913519/

Expand full comment

Don’t walk under a ladder and heaven forbid a black cat walks in front of you . 😝🙁😖

Expand full comment

In my twenties, I had a roommate who had a black cat, Romulus. (I had FOUR of my own at the time; two tabbies, a tortie, and an orange--the crazy cat lady in me runs deep.) The day she moved in I realized I was going to have to let go of that particular "belief" or I'd be dancing around the apartment or locked in my room to avoid that cat! (But honest to God I was like WHO GETS A BLACK CAT THAT IS LITERALLY ASKING FOR TROUBLE.)

Expand full comment

Never heard the hairy arm thing

Expand full comment

Great post. Interestingly, my wife and I were just watching the Jim Breuer Covid on Broadway routine where among the multitude of ridiculousness, for example, he points out 6 feet distancing while you were boarding the plane. THEN THEY STICK YOU IN A TUBE RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER!

WE GOT SO HOSED!

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=_6dqy2JjowU

Expand full comment

So funny and so true!! 🤣🎯

Expand full comment

I went to Trader Joe’s one day that first summer. It was 1000° outside and they had everyone lined up 6 feet apart on the stupid little stickers Outside in the sun and they were only letting like five people in the store at a time. I had driven 45 minutes to get there so I was not about to leave but it was insanity. 🤦‍♀️

Expand full comment

Here's one my sisters told me when we were kids and I think it came from Seventeen magazine, "If you squeeze the blackheads next to your nose, it'll give you brain damage!"

I threw caution to the wind, and did it anyway. But I thought about it every time I did it.

It was obvious to me that some kids took the warning to heart. Gross.

But, unlike me, they grew up free of brain damage.

Expand full comment

I am almost positive that I didn’t write that, but I definitely read it! Like you, I completely ignored it. #CertifiedPimplePopper 🙈

Expand full comment