Sydney Sweeney Thinks She's Better Than You (or Something Like That)

She said genetics; the left heard genocide. It happens.

Want to know how to really fire up the woke mob? Have the audacity to feature a hot, blonde, white woman in your retail ad campaign.

If you’ve even peeked at social media in the past few days, you know that mall-staple retailer American Eagle rolled out a fall denim campaign starring actress Sydney Sweeney looking very Aryan sun-kissed with the tagline “Sydney Sweeney has great jeans.” Clever, right? You can almost see the Mad Men storyboard: “Jeans… but make it genes.” Cute. Witty. No one gets hurt.

Oh, you sweet summer child.

Somewhere between TikTok and a graduate seminar in postmodern outrage studies, a loud corner of the internet decided that the ad wasn’t about denim at all. No, friends—it was straight-up Nazi propaganda. You read that right. A smells-like-teen-spirit brand known for selling 2-for-$40 jeggings has, apparently, resurrected the Third Reich with a pun.

According to the self-appointed Ministry of Perpetual Grievances, using “genes” instead of “jeans” when talking about a blonde actress is a direct pipeline to eugenics. In other words, the leap they’re making here is that simply referencing lucky DNA signals a thinly veiled desire to commit global genocide, enforce state-sponsored selective breeding, sterilize anyone with suspiciously dark roots, and march every person with a slightly crooked molar into the sea. If we’re going down that road, we’ll also need to cancel blonde roast coffee, elite airline status, golden retrievers, and anything labeled “classic fit.”

Where does it end? Should the next Dove “Real Beauty” campaign trigger a class-action lawsuit from the white women they never include (because, what, our beauty isn’t “real”)? Should we boycott Victoria’s Secret for using plus-size and trans models because that obviously implies all the other body types are bad? And what about Nike with those Serena Williams ads attacking people who can’t run a mile, and Fenty always trying to make me feel bad about my pale skin? Should we set cars on fire in their corporate parking lots so they’ll be forced to rethink their flagrant racism?

Of course not. Nobody sane thinks that way.

Where’s the lie though?

Alas, it’s 2025, and nuance is dead.

Woke “creators” across the internet are short-circuiting over the campaign’s blatant white supremacy. They’re demanding people boycott American Eagle—a brand known for celebrating diversity—and immediately cancel Sweeney. They’re calling AE embarrassing. They’re calling the ad “intentional rage bait.” They’re calling Sweeney a fascist sympathizer. They’re calling the men who find Sweeney attractive “conservatives who want women back in the kitchen popping out babies like there’s no tomorrow.” They’re demanding apologies, retractions, reparations, the ritual sacrifice of a marketing intern—something. Anything.

Neither Sweeney nor AE seems bothered by the “bad press,” although unfortunately the hilarious corporate mea culpa that went viral turned out to be fake news.

You have no idea how badly I wanted this to be real.

We are at a point where reverse racism—the most redundant phrase since free gift—is now so widespread, so kneejerk, that just being born looking vaguely Anglo-Saxon is treated as flat-out fascism. What’s next? Charging people who have naturally perky noses with hate crimes?

Marcus Collins, a marketing professor quoted in the Associated Press, gravely intoned that they could have avoided all this if the pun had been spread out among “models of various races.” Because that’s the real issue here, right? Not the jeans. Not even the wordplay. The problem is that one combination of hair, skin, and eye color automatically makes you a walking ad for genetic cleansing.

In case your eyes aren’t working too hot today, Sweeney clearly has great genes. So do Salma Hayek, Halle Berry, Jennifer Lopez, and Lucy Liu. If AE had chosen a model with brown eyes instead of blue, or red hair instead of blonde, or literally any skin color other than white, would we be good here? And if the “all bodies are beautiful and worthy of celebrating” camp silently adds “except those with classically Nordic features,” it’s time to ask the obvious question: who’s the racist now?

Megyn Kelly, whose favorite pastime is poking the bear, shared her thoughts [as a blue-eyed blonde] with an expletive-laden rant on TikTok:

“We’re sick and f’ing tired of the nonsense where you are not allowed to ever celebrate someone who is white and blonde and blue-eyed. That we have to walk into a room apologetic for those things. In a way this ad is the final declaration that we’re done doing that sh*t. It doesn’t mean we’re better—but you know what? We’re no worse than any other race or hair color or eye color, and we’re f’ing sick of being told that we are.”

And she’s not wrong: More people than not seem to approve of Sydney’s “jeans.” American Eagle stock soared. Supporters are rushing to AE stores to “vote with their dollars” in droves. Somewhere in Los Angeles, a marketing exec just bought himself a boat.

Let’s be honest: no one is strolling into American Eagle for their layered social commentary. You go there because you want jeans that don’t look like you borrowed them from your mom’s closet and you leave with a hoodie that says “Lake Vibes” because it was 40% off. That’s it.

Bottom line: They’re pants. It’s an ad. Ads are often meant to be provocative (just ask Brooke Shields). Take a breath. Or don’t. Like all scandals, this one will pass—and likely be replaced by something even more ridiculous (that I look forward to mocking).

*****SHAMELESS SOLICITATION*****

Well, folks, it’s official. I am out of a job. I assure you, not because I wasn’t a dedicated or stellar employee; the nonprofit I have been working for is having a tough time and can no longer afford to pay me. I would love nothing more than to be able to write full-time, but I can’t do it without your help—so I am resurrecting an earlier plea for support. If you appreciate what I do and you’re able to pitch in, I sure would appreciate it. :)

“There is nothing to writing,” Ernest Hemingway famously said. “All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.”

Ernest Hemingway obviously didn’t have a substack.

Producing a single column starts with the relentless combing of X/Instagram/TikTok/MSM to even know what’s topical and timely and worthy of covering. Once I settle on a subject, I’ve got to research it, dissect it, decide my take on it, skewer it, write it, cite it, title it, decorate it, edit it, stress over every word in it, and finally publish it. Keeping up with the comments is a part-time job on its own.

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I don’t get paid to write this stack. I choose to do it and I love (almost) every minute of it, but I sacrifice let’s just call it a lot to make it happen. I work late into most nights and am at my keyboard long before the sun comes up and I spend the majority of any given weekend at my desk. I toil and fret and beat myself up on a regular basis. Is it funny enough? Balanced enough? Is the kicker at the end pithy enough? Did someone else cover it sooner, better, or with a twist I didn’t think of? Did I forget anything? Miss any typos? Include or omit something that might piss someone off (a subscriber once told me I was essentially going straight to hell for using AF in a post, another shared that he finds my gifs highly distracting from the content, and once I was informed that “if I really cared so much about bodily autonomy, I’d be penning pro-abortion pieces” )? What fresh new way can I find to say, “please throw money at me if you’re able?”

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