Senate Forgets to Invite Kennedy to His Own Roast
Honestly, it might be the least fair witch hunt since Salem.
Remember those leaked meeting minutes I wrote about a few months back—the ones where a group of Big Pharma swamp whisperers from the Biotechnology Innovation Organization [BIO] Vaccine Policy Steering Committee sat around a mahogany table, sipped their oat-milk lattes, and casually voted RFK Jr. off the island? Well, friends, their little eviction notice just got posted on Capitol Hill.
Tomorrow, September 17, the Senate Health, Education, Labor, and Pensions (aptly, HELP) Committee will hold a hearing hilariously titled “Restoring Trust Through Radical Transparency: Reviewing Recent Events at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and Implications for Children’s Health.”
This rollicking good time will be chaired by none other than Senator Bill “Shut Up and Get Boosted” Cassidy—the guy BIO identified as a key ally in their plot to take down Kennedy.
Probably just a coincidence. (And Area 51 is probably just a weather balloon warehouse.)
The irony writes itself: A hearing about “radical transparency” is being led by a senator hand-picked to help Pharma “reposition vaccines as national assets”; one who believes that Operation Warp Speed deserves a Nobel Prize. Oh, and the man they’re trying to oust, the one who has dedicated his career to children’s health, wasn’t even invited. There are precisely two witnesses being called: Recently relieved-of-her-duties Susan Monarez and Debra Houry, a CDC colleague who quit in protest of Monarez’s firing. You can’t make this stuff up. It’s like an AA meeting sponsored by Jack Daniel’s.
This hearing in the name of full-frontal candor is the culmination of a vicious anti-Kennedy campaign we’ve been watching unspool in real time for months. In April, BIO’s Steering Committee drew up the battle plan. Their words, not mine: “go to The Hill and lobby that it is time for RFK Jr. to go.” They allocated $2 million—half their cash reserve—to bankroll the effort. They identified “strategic allies” like Cassidy to run point. And they agreed the best strategy wasn’t to debate Kennedy’s actual policies (liability for manufacturers, long-term safety trials, conflict-of-interest reform) but to drown out his messaging with an ear-splitting chorus of condemnation.
Cue the parade of doctors, congresspeople, HHS employees, and one breathless Bernie Sanders churning out op-eds and press releases, all simultaneously singing the same hymn: Bye Bye, Bobby, Don’t Let the Door Hit Ya on the Way Out.
OG “Disinformation Dozen” member Sayer Ji connected some interesting dots: The UK-based group Center For Countering Digital Hate—the same one who authored the infamous “Disinformation Dozen” report in the first place—literally wrote in their strategy notes that they’d use The Guardian as the placement site for their RFK takedowns. And what do you know? That’s exactly where Sanders’ latest op-ed ran. That’s not a coincidence; that’s coordination.
Ji is urging the usual “tell your elected officials that you stand with Kennedy” routine, a move I’d file neatly in the can’t-hurt-but-probably-won’t-help folder. (Fine, I’ll do it. I just have a hard time believing the guy who’s raking in seven figures from Pharma is going to suddenly find his moral compass thanks to my impassioned note.)
The good news is, Congress can’t fire a Cabinet secretary. The President alone has the authority to appoint (with Senate confirmation) and remove them. Congress does technically have the nuclear option—impeachment—but it’s so rare it’s basically a trivia-night stumper.
Trivia host: Who’s the only Cabinet secretary ever formally impeached and tried in the Senate?
Cliff Clavin: William Belknap, Secretary of War under Ulysses S. Grant.
Trivia host: What’d he do?
Cliff Clavin: Took kickbacks to hand out frontier trading posts like they were party favors.
Trivia host: And what happened?
Cliff Clavin: He resigned. Congress: “Adorable. We’ll impeach you anyway.” Pettiest mic drop in congressional history.
Trivia host: You don’t get out much, do you?
*Lest the fact-checkers faint: Yes, the House filed articles of impeachment against Alejandro Mayorkas, Biden’s Homeland Security chief, in 2024. But the Senate promptly dismissed the charges—no trial, no conviction.
If Congress ever did impeach RFK Jr., it would play out like a political choose-your-own-adventure. The House votes yes, the Senate gets the trial, and then you flip to the ending. If two-thirds of the Senate convicts him—a massive and unlikely number— turn to page You’re Fired; Kennedy’s out with a cardboard box and a legacy as the second Cabinet secretary to get the boot. If the Senate acquits, turn to page Awkward Press Conference, where Kennedy keeps his job but gains a scarlet “I” for Impeached, which pairs awkwardly with nearly every tie color. Finally, if the Senate refuses to even bother with a trial, turn to page Mayorkas, where the whole circus will mostly be remembered as a punchline.
No matter what you think of RFK Jr.—whether you worship him, tolerate him, or wish he’d stop talking about Froot Loops—this is bigger than one guy. This is about whether unelected lobbyists and their congressional mouthpieces get to decide who sits in the President’s Cabinet. Because if this works—if BIO can spend a couple million bucks, hire a PR firm, and topple a Senate-confirmed health secretary—then democracy isn’t just broken. It’s for sale. And the price tag is embarrassingly low.
Apart from the absurdity of it all, it does reinforce the view that RFK Jr. was being careful and strategic in his approach to fixing things, rather than slow and "compromised," given the nature of the opposition. No one is more qualified and up to the task than RFK Jr. He deserves all the support we can give him.
These people make my blood boil. Using their money, power, and position to destroy someone who is working hard to improve children's health is just despicable. Thanks for keeping us informed!