RFK Jr. Wants to MATA (Make America Trackable Always)

Is it just me or is the quiet part getting deafeningly loud?

Let me shout it for the people sipping spike protein detox smoothies in the back: I love Bobby Kennedy. I’ve loved him since the first time he said “gut microbiome” on a national stage without flinching. I’ve stood in actual 110 degree heat to hear him speak in the flesh and I’d do it again with a raging fever and wearing a parka. I’ve defended him through the measles kerfuffle, the media blackouts, the autism blowback, even the severed whale head and Central Park bear debacles. I’ve chirped “let the man work” until my voice is as nearly as scratchy and hoarse as his.

But this latest thing? This “yeah, we’re going to track your every burp and blood sugar spike, but it’s for your own good” crusade? I’m gonna need to take some adrenal support and go lie down for a spell.

“My vision is that every American is wearing a wearable within four years,” Bobby said this week in a testimony before the House Energy Committee. He did. He said that. (And maybe I’m being dramatic—or just hopeful—but I thought he legit looked like he might vomit as soon as the words left his lips.)

Bro. That’s not a vision. That’s a UN-backed biometric surveillance program in Lululemon drag.

Actual photo of Team Wearables.

I want to believe this is just Bobby being Bobby—trying to support diabetics, motivate the sedentary, help us kick our addictions to Doritos and SSRIs. But let’s not pretend we can’t see the writing on the wall. You don’t roll out a $20 million taxpayer-funded ad campaign to make trackable jewelry “cool” without some high-powered strings being pulled behind the curtain. And call me crazy, but wouldn’t a nobler goal be to “make every American so gloriously healthy that tracking biometric markers is utterly unnecessary”?

Because any way you slice it, it’s surveillance. I don’t care if it comes in rose gold with a free mindfulness tracker and a discount code for mushroom coffee. I don’t care if it promises to add five years to my lifespan. I don’t care if Jesus Himself shows up for the second coming sporting one. If the federal government wants me to wear something that beams my heart rate, glucose levels, sleep cycles, and (eventually) “emotional fitness” into a cloud server that can conveniently sync with, say, my social credit score, I’m out.

I’ll needlessly remind folks that this is the same government that said “two weeks to flatten the curve” and then tried to fire healthcare workers for not signing up for a bi-monthly mRNA subscription. Now it wants to “empower” us with mandatory biometric trackers that just happen to align with the business interests of RFK Jr.’s closest, most controversial allies? (Calley and Casey Means, I’m talking about you.) You can’t make this stuff up. And why on earth would you want to?

We were promised Make America Healthy Again—a comprehensive, revolutionary plan to address the undeniable “chronic disease epidemic” in this country. The aim was to decentralize healthcare. Detox from Big Pharma. Demonize seed oils. Grow our own food. Move our bodies the way God intended. Actually—gasp!—start testing vaccines. Get a little sun. And to be fair, a lot of that messaging is getting through and some incredibly good things are happening. But the MAHA brochure didn’t say anything about becoming glorified virtual pets for the CDC.

And please don’t come at me with, “But it’s going to help people be more responsible!” You know what helps people act responsibly? Education. Encouragement. Accountability. Personal sovereignty. Not $199/month continuous glucose monitors being quietly pipelined into federal policy by people who also happen to run wearable companies. That’s not “taking control of your health.” That’s being nudged into a bio-digital prison with a smiley-face sticker on the solid, reinforced steel door.

I say all of this with love. Deep, green-juice-fueled, glyphosate-free, trying-to-stay-hopeful love. Bobby, if you're reading this, I know your heart is in the right place. You’ve dedicated your life to championing real health. You’re not a politician. You burned Anthony Fauci at the literary stake, called out the Wuhan cover-up, and put vaccine injury on the table. You’ve warned us about the dangers of 5G exposure and even insisted that “they” are using it to harvest our data and control our behavior… and now you’re pushing behavior-modifying wearable tech tied to centralized data systems? I’m not going to lie: I’m worried about you. I’m worried about us.

Nicole Shanahan thinks you’re being controlled by someone or something; of the Means siblings, she’s even less charitable. “There is something very artificial and aggressive about them,” Shanahan stated, “almost like they were bred and raised Manchurian assets.” Mike Adams, Jack Kruse, Suzanne Humphries, Mary Talley Bowden, Naomi Wolf, and Laura Loomer agree (although I admit Loomer’s hardly my barometer of sanity these days).

Bobby, if you’re in trouble, send us a signal. Bring up raw milk three times in your next sworn testimony. Wear mismatched shoes. Casually mention kale enemas. We’ll know. We’ll mobilize. We’ll send a rescue team armed with Zelenko protocols, magnesium spray, and homemade dandelion tea. But for the love of mitochondrial health and medical freedom—step away from the wearables. You’re thisclose to making MAHA a reality. Please. Don’t sell our sovereignty to FitBit fascism.

Vee, I went ahead and voted “proof that we’re screwed” on your behalf, but everyone else, please tell me how you voted and why in the comments. ;)

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