Reality TV Star/Criminal Pardons Two Reality TV Star/Criminals
But no, we're not living in a simulation. Really.
NOT RELATED TO TODAY’S POST: Well, color me flattered. It seems I’ve been hacked or cloned or spoofed or whatever it’s called when someone steals your profile pic and avatar and almost-screen name and goes on a wild commenting spree pretending to be you and basically tries to ruin your digital life.
Meet my doppelgänger:
This sad, pathetic basement troll went on quite a midnight bender; these are the notifications I received from one ten-minute stretch at 3AM:
This particular profile seems to have already been taken down (at least on my end, but maybe I’m just blocked?), but folks like this rarely stop at one. I figured this is a good time to remind readers that if you see a rude or shocking or just plain out-of-character comment from someone you *think* you know, there’s a good chance it’s actually a dollar store double.
Thanks to the dozens of you who noticed this before I even woke up and emailed, texted and DM’d me a heads-up. Stay sharp, soldiers!
And now…
If you’re anything like me, you had no idea who Todd and Julie Chrisley were until this week. Maybe you still don’t (color yourself #blessed). For fellow rock-dwellers, the Chrisleys are a reality TV couple who built an empire on Southern sass, closet color-coordination, and apparently, some less-than-legal financial gymnastics.
After eight years of prime time stardom, the toothy duo were convicted of tax evasion and bank fraud after a former business partner [and Todd’s alleged gay lover] ratted them out—with receipts and a sworn testimony. The couples’ defense strategy seemed to hinge on Bible quotes, ferocious family support, and a prayer circle fashioned out of Fendi belts.
Spoiler: It did not work.
“The Justice Department said the couple, who starred on Chrisley Knows Best, submitted false financial statements to obtain more than $30 million in personal loans to pay for their luxury cars, designer clothes, real estate and travel,” CBS News reported. “They used new fraudulent loans to pay back old ones and then filed for bankruptcy.”
“While later earning millions from their reality TV show, the couple concealed their income from the IRS to avoid paying nearly $500,000 in delinquent taxes, while also failing to file tax returns and pay taxes from 2013 through 2016.”
“Julie Chrisley was also convicted of obstruction of justice.”
Before we get too judgy, let’s acknowledge the facts: the Chrisleys were found guilty. Like, a-federal-jury-didn’t-even-flinch guilty. The kind of guilty that ends with 7 and 12-year prison sentences and a whole lot of time to reflect on whether Jesus would’ve blessed your plan to Photoshop bank statements and buy a Bentley in your mama’s name.
As much as we can all agree that pretending your accountant is the Tooth Fairy isn’t a viable tax strategy, the Chrisleys’ prison sentences raised some eyebrows. The issue: Why do some folks get wrist slaps for actual armed robbery while the televandals were sentenced to hard time for pinching from the IRS?
Julie got seven years behind bars. For comparison, a North Dakota man was ordered to serve five years in the clink for running over and killing an 18-year-old. He took a life; she took some tax deductions she wasn’t entitled to. It’s hardly a shining example of a fair and balanced justice system.
Enter Donald Trump, human hand grenade and pardoner-in-chief. This week, POTUS collectively commuted Todd and Julie’s sentences, calling the couple “terrific people” who’d been treated unfairly. Naturally, the internet is having an all-caps existential meltdown.
Critics are fuming that the pardon had nothing to do with new evidence or legal errors, and everything to do with being famous, conservative, and available for Fox News interviews. The left is calling it white supremacy (of course) and a blatant disregard for the law and something akin to reality TV cronyism. “Oh, Trump’s going to pardon the Chrisleys?” wrote WaPo columnist Phillip Bump on BlueSky. “I’m stunned.”
Meanwhile, conservatives are celebrating God’s magnificent glory and responding to haters with, “Relax, it’s tax fraud, not treason.”
Which brings us to the conspiracy theory portion of today’s program. Were the Chrisleys punished extra-harshly because they were vocal Trump supporters? Did their “God, guns, and Gucci slippers” aesthetic rub the wrong people the wrong way? Is this what happens when you go full MAGA and forget to Venmo the government its cut?
Like I said, I’d never even heard of Chrisley Knows Best until the controversial presidential pardon. I force-fed myself enough clips for this piece to be able to say the show feels like watching the Kardashians’ trashy Dixie kinfolk move in, bedazzle everything in sight, and then start lecturing everyone on Jesus between offering closet decluttering tips and sharing spiritual life hacks like “Hair up, tits up. The Lord would approve.” Imagine if Paula Deen, Andrew Tate, and a monogrammed tea towel had a baby, and then gave it a Black Card with no spending limit, and you’ll have a general sense.
The Chrisleys’ bubbly blonde spawn Savannah has taken to social media—decked in head-to-toe Barbie-pink MAGA gear, natch—to profusely, ecstatically thank the president for springing her folks from the pokey. Yes, she admits, she campaigned for Trump. Sure, she spoke at the RNC. But it’s only because they share the same family values and both believe in rehabilitation and second chances, not because she thought it might buy her parents a get-out-of-jail-free card. Mercy, the nerve!
Responding to a jab from Elizabeth “give-me-tax-shelter-or-give-me-death” Warren on X, Savannah wrote:
It sure does make you wonder… why. Why, of all the surely thousands of unfairly incarcerated people in the country, did Trump choose a pair of pampered spotlight-seekers to set free? Does no one in his circle talk to him about optics, or about maybe (just this once!) not giving liberals a microphone and the lyrics to the White Privilege Anthem? Why not pardon a single mom doing time over a bounced check or a teenager railroaded on a nonviolent drug charge? Why not make a point about justice reform instead of reinforcing the stereotype that Trump’s America is all about fame, fortune, and VIP treatment for fair-skinned folks?
Or maybe all of those exact things did happen but the media didn’t cover them because they don’t support the reckless, lawless, white supremacist narrative. It wouldn’t shock me.
Here’s the takeaway as I see it: Todd and Julie were definitely guilty of something. They also *maybe* got hit with a sentence typically reserved for drunk clowns who accidentally run over a couple of kids in the circus parking lot. Was justice served? Sure. Was it handed down with a side of political retribution? Sort of sounds like it. Are democrats going to milk the cosmic coincidence that a rich white felon reality star swooped in to save two fellow rich white felon reality stars? With both hands and a bendy straw.
Tell me how you feel about this politics-meets-pop-culture-meets-prison fustercluck (and copycat losers) in the comments.

Ok I HAVE been under a rock. Never heard of this couple until today. Yeah seems like the sentences were harsh relative to manslaughter and no crocodile tears for the gov $ but they also defrauded creditors.
When hubby and I were young and dumb we pre-paid a roofing contractor who made off with our money. After trying to find a lawyer to sue him (they all said legal fees would be higher than the amt of money and collecting a judgement would be next to impossible) one suggested contacting our state AG office. Turns out they had a file on the guy - he had been ripping people off for several years but didn't have the documentation to go after him. I had kept everything, including his business flyer, invoices, written correspondence (we had been faxing, lol, this was the 90's) and so on and we were willing to testify. Was charged with fraud and picked up on cocaine possession charges (our money went up his nose) and was convicted and got 7 years for fraud. So there IS precedent, although I doubt he served all 7 years.
What pisses me off is that this couple's charade was Christianity. When Christians parade about with their faith and then act like jack*sses it gives those who disdain faith an opportunity to say - see! I told you they are all a bunch of charlatans. And of course the full on MAGA show also taints the MAGA movement too. Not sure why Trump would expend political capital on these 2 although I guess he likes trolling the left.
Yes, I received your faux email at 4:33 am, spotted the extra vowel (“Ryan, I’d like to buy the A, please…”) right away but still momentarily thought, ‘Ooooh, how cute, Jenna is DM’ing me in the dead of night using her private secret email account, MUST be important…”