Oh, SNAP: Trump Is Trying to Starve Grandma!

Facts aside, it's *obviously* his fault.

You’ve got to hand it to Democrats. They never miss an opportunity to turn a government-funding squabble into a morality play starring Donald Trump as the villain, America’s fridge as the victim, and themselves as the brave defenders of the casserole class.

This week, while the Senate squabbled over keeping the government’s lights on (and Electronic Benefit Transfer, or EBT, cards operational), Gavin Newsom burst onto X like a furious Roaring Twenties socialite.

“Donald Trump hosted a Great Gatsby party while SNAP benefits were about to disappear for 42 million Americans,” he tweeted, undoubtedly while sipping something French and unpronounceable. “He does not give a damn about you.”

That’s rich coming from the guy who once shut down his state, canceled holiday gatherings for the entire populace, and then dined with a group of pals mask-free at French Laundry—where a single plate costs more than a week’s groceries for a family of four. Does the man actually have zero shame? (*That was a rhetorical question.)

But of course, context is inconvenient. SNAP (the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program) has been caught in the crossfire of the government shutdown—something that happens every few years when Congress remembers it’s technically supposed to pass a budget. And like clockwork, both parties accuse the other of wanting to starve Grandma. The truth? Until Republicans agree to bankroll immigrant stimulus plans and border welcome centers, Democrats refuse to cooperate.

Basically, Congress is in a budget-themed hostage standoff. Republicans have been trying to pass a short-term “keep the lights on” budget—but they’ve included what Democrats call “poison pills” and conservatives call common sense: modest spending cuts and border security measures. Democrats, meanwhile, are insisting on a “clean” bill—meaning one that keeps the money flowing with zero reforms. Alas, “complex procedural gridlock” doesn’t trend nearly as well as “Orange Man Hoards All the Cereal.”

To be fair, Democrats aren’t voting against feeding people—they’re voting against expecting anything in return. They’ll subsidize SNAP till the cows come home, as long as there are no eligibility requirements and it’s packaged with open borders, expanded welfare, and free healthcare for anyone who can make it across the Rio Grande.

It’s worth noting that the SNAP program, estimated to cost American taxpayers $100 billion a year, doubled under the Obama administration, when the generous president dramatically relaxed eligibility requirements. Today, some 42 million Americans receive assistance—at least 1.7 million of whom are non-citizens, despite adamant claims to the contrary. The program is notoriously flawed, you will not be shocked to learn, with recipients using federal aid to fund spa services and even swapping food credits for cash.

The program’s explosion “is not a metric of success, it’s a metric of failure,” said Senator Ron Johnson, the rare voice of congressional reason in the room. “It’s making way too many Americans dependent on government. The damage Democrats do with their supposedly well-intentioned programs is incalculable.”

Still, Newsom’s tweet went viral faster than a new Covid variant in a San Francisco coffee shop. Congresswoman Jasmine Crockett jumped in too, declaring that “the courts had to tell Donald Trump to feed the people,” as if the former president were hoarding the nation’s Lunchables in Mar-a-Lago’s basement.

As always, there’s no shortage of folks eager to put the likes of Ms. Crockett in her place.

President Trump took to Truth Social to announce that the government shutdown has gotten so bad, even the lawyers aren’t sure if Americans can legally eat. With two courts giving opposite answers and “Radical Democrats refusing to do the right thing and REOPEN THE GOVERNMENT,” Trump said he’s ready to pay up—if the courts will let him. (“It would BE MY HONOR,” he shouted.) He urged SNAP recipients to call “Cryin’ Chuck Schumer” directly and demand their benefits back, presumably between grocery store runs and courtroom filings. In short: millions of Americans’ dinner plans now depend on dueling judges, hungry lawyers, and one man’s perpetually-sticky caps lock key.

Isn’t it amazing how every issue, no matter how bureaucratic, eventually becomes Trump’s fault? Congresspeople who refuse to work? Trump. The national debt? Trump. Wildfires? Trump. The emotional damage caused by Crocs? Trump’s ballroom, obviously.

Meanwhile, the same crowd lecturing America about empathy is filming videos from their coastal mansions, sipping $19 green juices, and hashtagging #ForThePeople while their private chefs assemble grain bowls. They’re outraged that a billionaire threw a Gatsby-themed party—which, let’s be honest, is the most on-brand Trump move since he memed himself in the image of Superman—but seem oddly unfazed by the fact that Congress has been hosting taxpayer-funded feasts for decades and calling them “public service.”

But Democrats are gonna democrat.

In an interview with Senator Johnson, Newsmax’s Rob Schmitt put it bluntly: “I don’t think they’re even well-intentioned. I think it’s all just a game to get as many people on [SNAP benefits] as you can because then you’ve got a very reliant base of voters. If they need that program, if they need that money, they’re always going to vote for you.”

If history’s any guide, this outrage cycle will end the way they all do—with a midnight deal, a “we did it” tweetstorm, and a trillion-dollar tab for taxpayers. But don’t worry—Gavin’s on it. He’ll make sure the cameras are rolling when he hands out the first loaf of government bread.

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