Hating America Is the New Black

Everyone's doing it. You're a xenophobe if you don't.

If virtue signaling had its own Netflix show, we’d be in season 325 by now. We’ve cycled through check your privilege, I stand with Ukraine, no human is illegal, love is love, silence is violence, free Palestine, and of course my body, my choice (which was replaced mid-season with trust the science and nobody even noticed!).

The latest storyline? No, not not my president. That’s been done. It’s not my country.

Yes, it’s no longer enough to denounce Donald Trump or demand his immediate impeachment and permanent exile; you must declare America the irredeemable supervillain in every global storyline—past, present, and future. You have to march in the streets with a Soros-funded sign, wave literally any flag but the American one, and awkwardly apologize to foreigners for existing. You are required to post somewhere on social media at least once a week, “WE are the assholes. Us! America.” Failure to do so will result in the automatic assumption that you’re a gun-toting, MAGA redneck. Fines may apply.

If you think that’s just a fringe internet take limited to the comment section or the occasional entitled Olympian, allow me to introduce you to the professional version. According to filmmaker Michael Moore, America (with Israel’s help) is trying to wipe out one of the greatest civilizations in human history. We are, in his telling, uniquely violent, singularly evil, and—his words—essentially the terrorists.

Meanwhile, Iran is framed as the noble inheritor of ancient Persian brilliance; the birthplace of civil liberties, math, medicine, music, culture, and art. (Claims that, to be fair, range from largely true to wildly overstated.) But somewhere between “Persia invented algebra” and “modern Iran is a beacon of light,” we’re supposed to ignore the small, inconvenient detail that the people currently running the country are not exactly carrying on Cyrus the Great’s legacy.

“Iran is the cradle of one of the greatest civilizations this planet has ever seen,” Moore writes. “While our ancestors in Europe were still figuring out how to build a hut, the Persians had already written the world’s first declaration of human rights, built a multicultural empire that treated conquered peoples with dignity [emphasis mine], and were doing math and medicine that we wouldn’t catch up to for a thousand years.”

It’s not even subtle: we’re basically the descendants of a bunch of bumbling doofuses, and sure, Iran might invade other countries—but they’re extremely respectful about it. We don’t even have the decency to be courteous in our conquest! So gross.

The reality is, the Islamic Republic Moore is rhapsodizing about is a theocratic regime that jails journalists, silences dissent, enforces religious law, and punishes its own citizens—particularly women—the minute they step out of line. It controls what people can say, what they can see, and—minor footnote—has spent decades funding proxy militias while chanting “Death to America” at official rallies. But sure. Tell me more about their contributions to math.

I’m not saying that the United States is a stellar example of geopolitical virtue. (Please read that sentence again before scrambling to the comments to call me a moron.) I’m not even saying we’re not, generally speaking, despicable. The U.S. has a history of downright indefensible actions—notably where Iran is concerned. But there is a fake-spaceship-size difference between admitting your country is capable of horrific acts and deciding that if we’re the villain, the other side must be the hero. That’s not how this works. Sometimes it’s not villain versus hero—it’s villain versus different villain.

“We’re the bad guys!” Moore insists. “If you didn’t realize that under previous presidents, at least Donald Trump has ripped off the mask and shown you who we really are!”

That kind of America-the-Awful absolutism would be easier to take seriously if it showed up consistently. It doesn’t. I don’t recall this level of existential self-loathing when Obama was droning half the Middle East or when Biden was ordering airstrikes in Syria. Which suggests the issue isn’t the behavior—it’s how loudly and unapologetically it’s being carried out.

Here’s the part the Michael Moores of the world never acknowledge: If Iran is such a glorious place, why are its own citizens constantly risking imprisonment—or worse—to protest it? Why are women tearing off their hijabs in the street, knowing full well they could die for their defiance? Why are journalists silenced, critics imprisoned, and protesters publicly executed?

And perhaps most awkwardly—why are people fleeing places like that to come here, while exactly [*checks notes*] zero Americans are sneaking into Iran on inner tubes under the cover of darkness to escape a spray-tanned tyrant?

It’s honestly the strangest form of moral gymnastics I’ve ever seen.

You don’t have to think America is perfect. No functioning adult does. You don’t even have to believe we’re mostly decent. But if you’re part of the camp who feels criticizing America isn’t enough—you now have to invert reality entirely, where the more despicable a regime is, the more it gets framed as “complex,” “misunderstood,” or my personal favorite, “actually kind of amazing if you think about it”—you’re no longer condemning history, you’re rewriting it.

(Also, if you genuinely think the country that lets you post, protest, rant, and rebrand it as the Voldemort of foreign policy is a greater global menace than the one training its kids to be suicide bombers, feel free to take that opinion on a little field trip. Compare notes. See how it travels.)

I’ll go ahead and point out that America didn’t invent the concept of doing questionable things on the world stage. That’s been a popular international pastime since Napoleon decided Europe would look better under French management. The difference is, we’re the only country expected to both run the world and apologize for it at the same time.

Other nations flex their power and pursue their own interests, and it’s called sovereignty. We do it, and it’s a moral emergency. Meanwhile, plenty of the same countries held up as victims are actively begging for American aid, relief, intervention, or support the minute things go sideways. It turns out being the global superpower is like being the mom on a family vacation: everyone rolls their eyes at you, questions your decisions, and still expects you to have snacks, directions, and a backup plan at all times.

But actually.

We didn’t start World War I, World War II, the Korean War, or the Gulf War. And yeah, we turned Vietnam into a full-blown disaster—but we didn’t light the match. To be clear, acknowledging that “everyone else does it” doesn’t excuse it. But it does matter when we start pretending that one country is uniquely corrupt in a world where power has always been exercised imperfectly—often brutally—by nearly everyone who has it.

The part that would be funny if it weren’t so wildly detached from reality is that every single person typing “America is evil” is doing so from the comfort of a place where they are actually allowed to say that out loud, repeatedly, with zero fear of a knock on the door.

Try tweeting that from Tehran and see how that works out.

Again, this isn’t a defense of sweeping military meddling. It’s not an AMERICA THE PERFECT bumper sticker in long form. It’s a critique of selective outrage and the moral reframing of reality. I know you’ll LMK what you think in the comments. ;)

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