Trump and Musk's Big, Beautiful Breakup
You probably didn't even hear about it, because it was super subtle and garnered very little media attention hahahahaha.
It was bound to happen. Like a self-driving car trying to parallel park on the edge of a mountain, the bromance between Donald Trump and Elon Musk has officially veered off a cliff.
If you’ve been living in an off-grid bunker or just returned this morning from a silent retreat guided by alpacas, let me recap for you: It all began earlier this week when Musk turned on Trump’s latest legislative lovechild—the One Big Beautiful Bill Act (yes, that’s the real name, and no, it does not come with a Dollywood mug), calling it a “disgusting abomination” and igniting the mother of all Trumpian tantrums.
“In the entire history of civilization, there has never been legislation that was both big and beautiful,” Musk wrote on his own platform. “Everyone knows this! Either you get a big and ugly bill or a slim and beautiful bill. Slim and beautiful is the way.”
Nobody puts One Big Beautiful Bill in the corner!
Trump responded *on his own social media platform* [hahahaha welcome to this week’s episode of White Billionaires Fighting, pass the popcorn] the way any truly dignified world leader would—by calling his former homie names and SHOUTING IN ALL CAPS.
“Elon was 'wearing thin,' I asked him to leave,” Trump spewed on Truth Social. “I took away his EV Mandate that forced everyone to buy Electric Cars that nobody else wanted (that he knew for months I was going to do!), and he just went CRAZY!" (The OBBB would cut the EV tax credit that helps car makers like Musk.)
You know it’s bad when your ex is rewriting history and canceling your tax incentives in the same sentence.
Musk, never one to pass up an opportunity to turn a bad day into a disastrous tweetstorm, fired back on X:
“Without me, Trump would have lost the election, Dems would control the House and the Republicans would be 51-49 in the Senate.
“Such ingratitude.”
Translation: Daddy doesn’t appreciate me.
You know what they say—hell hath no fury like a tech bro scorned.
That’s when the headlines got hilarious. Trump threatens. Musk unleashes. Trump explodes. Musk goes scorched earth!
The mainstream media hasn’t been this excited to cover a story since the Johnny Depp/Amber Heard trial.
And that was before things got ugly. The nutshell: Trump threatened to axe billions in government contracts with Musk’s companies. Musk accused Trump of lying. Trump called Musk CRAY-CRAY. Musk announced plans to decommission SpaceX’s Dragon spacecraft and suggested Trump be impeached… before throwing down the most explosive card in the political deck (and retweeting what he obviously thought was Exhibit B):
Overnight, the world held its collective breath. Liberals gloated. Elon tossed out the idea of creating “a new political party in America that actually represents the 80% in the middle.” (Nearly four million followers gave the idea a virtual thumbs-up.) Billionaires and bureaucrats tried desperately to broker peace. Refresh keys everywhere suffered repetitive stress injuries. Trump got suspiciously silent.
The blowup was especially bizarre considering that just last week, as Musk’s DOGE days drew to their anticipated end, Trump threw the First Buddy a retirement party of sorts, calling Elon “one of the greatest business leaders and innovators the world has ever produced,” and giving him a symbolic golden key to the White House (apparently those don’t open any actual doors). “Elon’s service to America has been without comparison in modern history,” POTUS added.
Musk promised to remain a “friend and adviser to the president.”
“When exactly President Trump and Elon Musk would break up has been a parlor game for months—even in their own inner circles,” NYT political reporter Theodore Schleifer said. “But even so, the dissembling that we saw today was swifter than any of them imagined.”
One theory posits that the spat was part of Musk’s bigger plan to oust Trump and replace him with “Technocrat wonder boy, JD Vance.” At the far end of the sea-saw, Journalist Liz Crokin is calling the whole thing a “fake feud” and insists that the hugely public drama is Deep State Bait; that the whole feud is a set-up to bring the Epstein scandal back into the spotlight—so that democrats will start demanding the release of the files.
I’m not going to lie; neither of those plot twists was on my Bingo card today.
At the end of the day, whether this feud is genuine animosity, strategic theater, or just two megalomaniacs flinging tweets at each other out of boredom, it’s undeniably captivating. And maybe that’s the point. Yesterday’s bread and circuses are today’s billionaire b*tch-fights, fought in the digital coliseum—no ticket required. While headlines obsess over who rage-tweeted what and whether Elon’s key to the White House is symbolic or ironic, we’re all very busy not talking about election integrity, censorship, chemtrails, child trafficking, or why our public health authorities continue to hand out deadly bioweapons disguised as therapeutics like Halloween candy.
Distraction is cheap. Solutions are hard. But here’s the sliver of hope you guys know I can’t help but find: the more absurd the circus gets, the more people wake up and say, “Wait, what? Why are we even talking about this?” And maybe the ridiculous, superficial noise will be what finally makes the rest of the world pay attention to what really matters.
A Pollyanna can hope.
Tell me your take on this political brobrawl in the comments.
Whilst I would not be *at all* surprised if this turns out to be a "gotcha" and they are bear-hugging in the Oval again by Monday, Elon has (unwittingly?) let the genie out of the bottle here. He is not wrong in pointing out that 80% (maybe more like 65/70% in my view, but either way a majority) of people do not feel at all represented by either red or blue party. There is a huge opportunity for a rational, reasonable party to come along and totally change the stale and corrupt political order in this country. It is happening in other countries (Reform in the UK is way ahead in the polls), and post-Trump, I hope it happens here too.
First, you are hilarious & I love your narration! Second, I think, egos aside, trump didn't cut enough in the bill. Elon, although having a tantrum, is asking for exactly what we were all promised....no more funding of frogs, disco balls and cocaine...but unfortunately that & other craziness is STILL being funded. I am with Ron Johnson and Rand Paul on this bill...the bbb needs to go a diet (without cocaine) lol.