Trigger Warning: Kamala Flip-Flops Again

(This time on guns.)

I don’t know if you guys know this, but Kamala Harris is a proud gun owner. (So much for Red Flag laws hahahahaha but seriously.) She doesn’t just have a gun, by golly; she wouldn’t think twice about using that thing. “If somebody breaks into my house,” Kamala cackled during an interview with Oprah, launching into one of her many fake accents on account of hanging with her homegirl, “they’re getting shot.”

Despite being pressed, Harris hasn’t said what kind of gun she owns or how long she’s had it or how often she goes to the shooting range or if it’s just the one and if she’s properly trained in its usage and if Doug has one too or if they share a single weapon which would be weird but okay because none of that matters. The point is, Kamala loves firearms. (So does Tim Walz, BTW. She almost burst a blood vessel in her neck rushing to add that part.) She’d never dream of taking yours away!

Naturally, when Kamala declared herself a patriotic, pistol-slinging citizen just like you, the media gushed like a Slurpee machine on 7/11.

Remember at the disastrous debate when Trump claimed Harris “has a plan to confiscate everybody’s guns” and she fired back (pun intended) with “I know you are but what am I,” I mean, “stop with the continuous lying”? I’m betting about an hour later, the Harris Campaign Crisis Management Team was in a cozy huddle.

Publicist: “Those damned republicans and their guns! We need some sort of SPIN. What’s her most well-known stance on firearms?”

Campaign Manager: “Probably mandatory buybacks.”

Publicist: “Whatever. That was in two-thousand-and-nobody-remembers. We just need a fresh new coat of paint on this. How about ‘Kamala the Joyful Heat Packer’?”

Campaign Manager: “She’s a democrat from California.”

Publicist: “Doesn’t matter. I got this.”

If Lefty Lucy is any one thing, it’s two-faced. (See: “And I inhaled.”) In 2005, the not-so-sharp shooter supported a total ban on handguns [that included mandatory jail time for failure to surrender] while serving as San Francisco District Attorney. Curiously, if you ask Google to elaborate on that event, the planet’s largest search engine is simply too overwhelmed by shapeshifting nineteen-year-old data to produce any solid intel.

[*sound of evidence being set on fire*]

Not only do Kamala’s past policies threaten our Second Amendment rights to keep and bear arms, she’s admitted she’d gleefully subvert the Fourth Amendment (which protects us from unreasonable searches and seizures by the government) to do it. “Just because you legally possess a gun in the sanctity of your locked home,” she boasted, “doesn't mean that we're not going to walk into that home and check to see if you're being responsible and safe in the way you conduct your affairs.”

I don’t know about where you guys live, but in my Texas neighborhood, you’re actually sus if you don’t have this doormat.

Of course, you can be anti-school-shooting and still want to protect your family [*waves hand wildly]. It’s Kamachameleon’s patently duplicitous “Say Whatever the Voters Want to Hear” routine that chaps my crack.

Just a girl and her shiny new gun.

If Commiela steals takes the reins in January *whips out rosary and drops to knees*, she’s promised that if Congress doesn’t act on her gun control agenda within her first one hundred days in office, she’ll “take executive action.” How worried about the fate of our Second Amendment rights are you? Tell me in the comments.

Have you pulled the trigger on this bad boy yet?