Nothing New Under the Sun
Every time the world doesn't end, a conspiracy theorist loses his tin foil hat.
Well, the eclipse came and went without the world ending even a little bit, and maybe I’m being dramatic but there seems to be this weird sense of disappointment about it all. Like, the conspiracy folks—my people, don’t get me wrong—aren’t willing to let it go.
Quadruple jabber: See, you crackpot? I told you nothing was going to happen on Monday. Admit it, you went off the rails for a minute there.
Tin foil-hatter: What are you talking about? Do you know how many people developed sinus headaches on Monday? My cat puked all over my sofa literally two hours after the eclipse. Do you think that’s just some sort of coincidence?
This post showed up in my social media feed no less than a dozen times:
The apocalyptic predictions were many and wild. CERN was going to open a portal to another dimension. The entirety of planet Earth would be plunged into darkness for days (or forever, depending on who you were listening to). NASA was planning something kinky and nefarious. They *you know who they are* would be spraying the path of totality with especially toxic chemtrails (as opposed to the only mildly toxic ones they spray most days) to take advantage of the fact that millions of targets people would assemble themselves conveniently and densely together. So efficient, right? It would be like finding and taking out the ant hill instead of having to spray the entire yard.
The fact that “numerous people” reported nausea and “other strange symptoms” after the eclipse isn’t all that surprising. Firstly, the placebo effect is a powerful thing. Anywhere from seven to seventy percent of trial participants given a pretend potion will experience symptom relief. So, if you believe you’re breathing toxic fumes all day, is it that much of a stretch to suppose your brain might convince you that you feel less than your perky best?
A more obvious (yet hardly recognized or acknowledged, as far as I’ve seen) culprit for widespread post-eclipse malaise is that the entire lot of us were standing outside staring at the sun. Oh, I know. We’re not stupid or anything. We were all wearing the super high-tech, rigorously tested and inspected protective eyewear that made this completely safe. The ones made out of cardboard and tinted saran wrap that we bought on Amazon for $7.99 for a pack of four and then just trusted to safeguard that precious luxury known as our eyesight. Did anyone even think to question the wisdom of this?
Look, I’m not saying evil forces aren’t conspiring against us 24/7, or even that they’d never think to use a significant day or already-spooky event as a pretext. But September 11 wasn’t noteworthy until it was (and yes, I realize that 911 is synonymous with emergency). Despite near-constant Book of Revelation predictions, Y2K and FEMA’s infamous EBS test and the end of the Mayan calendar came and went without so much as an even quasi-cataclysmic event. As CS Lewis said in 1948 of living in an atomic age, “If we are all going to be destroyed by an atomic bomb, let that bomb when it comes find us doing sensible and human things—praying, working, teaching, reading, listening to music, bathing the children, playing tennis, chatting to our friends over a pint and a game of darts—not huddled together like frightened sheep and thinking about bombs.”
Or wearing stupid paper glasses and staring at the sun.
Who’s as excited as I am about this? #rhetoricalquestion
Jenna - you mentioned the chemtrails. We had a cloudless blue sky on Sunday. When I went outside Monday morning to prepare for our friends to arrive for our eclipse party, I noticed dozens of chentrails. But thankfully they didn’t hinder our viewing of totality which was truly breathtaking to witness. We did have one friend who felt very strange during the 3 minutes of totality, but we are all still alive and well!
But we should all be girding up our loins for what’s to come. I go from feeling like my hair is on fire to feeling like what a time to be alive!
We are all here - right now - for such a time as this. Pray that our Lord shows you what your role is. Be kind, loving and compassionate in the process and repent when you fall short - which most assuredly will happen, especially when we deal with evil people.
A chiropractic footnote here: looking up that long with a reversed curve (it curves the wrong way) in your spine (neck) can certainly make you nauseous.