What is it with words these days, anyway? The same crowd that spent three years and a congressional hearing debating whether a woman is “an adult human female” or “a gender-affirming vibe” now is taking issue with how we spell it. Apparently, identifying ovary-owners with a string of letters that contains the cisnormative term man is offensive to, well, people who take offense at literally everything.
Enter womyn, the supposedly inclusive alternative that’s now considered an “acceptable spelling” by the Scripps National Spelling Bee. The Bee, for those unfamiliar, is a rigorous annual academic competition that celebrates the sacred art of getting letters exactly, painstakingly, zero-wiggle-room-allowed right.
I find it hilarious and worth noting that womyn has been accused of alienating trans and non-binary people—don’t ask me how—so of course you’re free to use womxn, wombyn, or womon, and no, I am not making that up. No word from the NSB on whether or not those versions will get you DQ’d or advanced to the next round.
“Womxn acknowledges that gender identity exists in a sphere and one word has room for multiple gender expressions without weighing one more important than another” the UCI Womxn’s Center for Success tries to explain (I think). “In addition, it highlights that more than one gender expression can be impacted by patriarchy, misogyny, and sexism. This term recognizes that in the past, the history of feminism has included racism, transphobia and harmful gender binary views [emphasis mine].”
Pardon my possible peabrainery here, but it does? I mean… how? I’ve read that paragraph 30 times and still can’t make it make sense.
I guess nothing screams academic exactitude and intellectual rigor like swapping out vowels until someone, somewhere, puts down the paper bag.
The perpetrators of this linguistic turpitude argue that since “womyn” is right there in the dictionary, the case ought to be closed. Well, kids, so are “yeet,” “meh,” and “cray-cray.” But nobody’s tossing those into the National Spelling Bee and calling it righteous.
And let’s not pretend it ends with “womyn.” Once you open the door to feelings-based alphabet origami, it’s only a matter of time before we’re spelling “history” as “hxstory,” “together” as “togethxr,” “science” as “S.C.I.E.N.T.S. (Socially Constructed Ideals Embracing Nonbinary Thought Systems),” and “hibachis” as “hibachthey.”
Triggered libs: Why didn’t we think of that?
The Guardian covered the womyn fracas (or in their words, the foofaraw) with a piece that reads like a case study in TDS, somehow managing to include the “authoritarianism and fascism threatening the United States,” the “imprisonment and attempted deportation of potentially US citizens,” and the “economically ruinous tariffs which have wiped trillions off the stock market” in their laser-focused spelling bee reporting. The author—a professional spelling bee tutor, FWIW—went on to justify his ire with a smattering of George Orwell quotes.
George Orwell. The man who believed language should never be used to obfuscate truth. The one who warned against the deliberate use of wordcraft to serve tribal agendas. The one who claimed political language is designed “to make lies sound truthful and murder respectable and to give an appearance of solidity to pure wind.” Imagine Orwell’s delight watching modern ideologues warp words—his words—into a tool not for communication or clarity, but for bending public perception like a balloon animal artist jacked up on Red Bull.
You know what’s actually progressive? Letting benign letters do their job instead of dragging them into a woke witch hunt.
You know what’s Orwellian? Pretending the way a word is spelled is more important than what it means.
You know what’s exhausting? Watching people who don’t believe in definitions become the self-appointed arbiters of orthography.
Let’s be real: a group that turns biology into a social construct and menstruation into a gender-neutral group project probably isn’t the one we want editing the dictionary.
Whaddya think? Do your thing down below, peeps!
NOTE: This year marks the National Spelling Bee’s 100th anniversary, and you can watch the two-night special online starting tonight if you’re so inclined.
On the subject of spelling, a quick true story from my house:
Then seven-year-old: Mom, how do you spell activities?
Me [grooming my writing protégé]: How do you think you spell it?
Her [unflinching]: Never mind. I’ll just write games.
If you’re a new subscriber waiting on a signed book from me and it’s been a while and it hasn’t arrived yet, please email me at myfirstname@myfirstandlastnames.com so I can make sure I didn’t drop the ball. (It has happened, I’m not going to lie to you people.) Thanks as always. :)

Womyn, shut your back hole and make me a dam sandwitch!
Speling and w0rds dont mater. Whut matters is that I speek my truff and that everyxne heers muh truff with however dam way I choos to xpress mahself with mah own words!
Seriously though, how am I supposed to teach my kids spelling, writing, and reading with this insanity? I'm going to go live with the Amish. Anyone else care to join?
we are living in clown world