More Mayhem in the Metaverse

Courtesy of me and my big mouth.

I’ve mentioned this before, but I really detest Fakebook. Not just because they bury all of my posts to this day even after they admitted to letting the White House strongarm them into censoring legitimate content during COVID. It’s not even all the filtered photos of fabulous facades, fabricated fame, and frustrating food how-tos that never, ever come out looking like the pictures that get under my skin. I used to not even mind those things all that much and would actually log in just for fun and sometimes even save interesting conversations and enticing recipes to revisit later.

I’m not sure if I changed or Feudbook did—probably both—but that place is about as pleasant as running barefoot through a field of Legos after being stuck in an elevator with Kathy Griffin and Joy Behar anymore.

On a good day, my feed is a minefield of angry political posts that are arrogant at best and antagonistic at worst. For the longest time, I unfollowed or unfriended no one (although lots blocked me, #NotForEveryone) because I really do believe in free speech—not just speech I like or agree with—and because many of my substacks have been inspired by some asinine post I’ve seen over there.

Like today, for example.

This was literally the first post I saw when I opened the app. I could feel my historically low blood pressure skyrocketing.

Me: Don’t do it. Just keep scrolling. Jenna, I mean it. It won’t end well.

Myself: How about I just click the LOL emoji instead of the heart or the thumb? I feel like that sends a pretty solid message of disdain.

I: I’m commenting. I have to. I’m sorry guys, but this is pure ignorance. She needs a serious smackdown.

Me: It’s not going to do any good, trust me. Be the bigger person! Or pretend you didn’t see it! Look, there’s a funny cat reel up there! You love cat reels!

Myself: I could just unfriend her. After the LOL thing. So she knows why. That’s good, right?

I [begins typing furiously]: “First of all…”

(I always win these debates with Me and Myself.)

I know, Vee. I know. ;)

Here’s the link to RFK Jr. explaining how we’ve gotten to war’s doorstep that I shared (before embarking on the world’s most satisfying social media purge). As I feel about pretty much everything Bobby says, it’s worth a listen.

If anyone needs me, I still have a few more “friends” to break up with over on Ragescroll. In the meantime, please enjoy some of my favorite related memes.

It’s not a lie.

If you’re sure it’s EXACT. (Becauze? Its? I can’t.)

It’s THEIR window and BEING hit. Otherwise, well played, mate.

Fakespace is not your friend.

Oh, Donna. (Is the world really mostly illiterate? Rhetorical question.)

You know this sentence has been whispered at a funeral.

I might be dead.

I’ll wrap this up by sharing this sidesplitting lineup of Frenemybook Marketplace ads and these hilarious old people status updates (relax, I’m an old person so I can say that). They’re comedy gold and it’s a documented fact that laughing burns slightly more calories than not laughing.

Tell me: Are you even on Bragbook anymore? If so, are you more like Me, Myself, or I? Are you more likely to block or be blocked? What’s the weirdest or worst or funniest or best thing you’ve seen on there recently? Spill the sauce in the comments. ;)

This book will never block or unfriend you.