We've been through this so many times. And though it sounds callous, the only way we can get through losing a pet is to find another one. You and your family have my deepest sympathies over the loss of Lola.
Just popping onto this top comment to say an emotional and heartfelt THANK YOU to you all for your stories and sympathy and virtual hugs. It's so true, a sorrow shared is a sorrow halved. I love reading about all of YOUR fur babies, too (some of you have even emailed me pictures; MY HEART). The crazy thing about us pet-people is that we know, every time, that this is how it ends. EVERY TIME. And we keep doing it anyway. We're either special or mad. There's no middle ground. ;)
Knowing how it ends, but taking the risk & loving anyway. It’s the pain of loss that connects us to one another. Condolences on your loss of your beloved Lola.
Our little Mia passed one year ago in May. 🥹. She was with us for 17 wonderful years; we have so many happy memories. We still miss her, she was part of our family. Your Lola was too, and so beautiful. Prayers for little Lola and all of you. 🤗🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷
Just like childbirth, we know how painful (physically and emotionally), it is, but we keep going back for more. The circle of life. Many hugs to you today. 🤗🤗🤗
Mary Ann, my spouse the DVM has always told grieving pet owners that they will know when the time is right for when/if they welcome a new pet. Then he would tell them to be ready because the pet in need of a loving home will find them, often when they least expect it.
Oh, the Cat Redistribution Program is real. We lost a rescue kitty about two years ago and within weeks we "found" an abandoned stray (he found us?). I'm sure some sweet, hungry kitty will wander up to our door any day now -- AND WE WILL OPEN IT, as you do. XO
For us, the right time is when a stray shows up at the door or we find a puppy on the highway. And it ALWAYS happens not long after we lose one of our pets.
I had Blue Heeler (Australian Cattle Dog) Roxy for 16 years. She came into my life at 6 weeks of age. She was my soul sister. Wasn’t particularly cozy whatsoever, but she was my constant sidekick for 16 years. She passed in March 2022. There was gap of pet love, that’s for sure, but I was in no way ready to go out and get another dog.
The day I brought Roxy’s ashes home, I was out in the backyard and this black and white Tuxedo cat came slinking into the backyard from the south side of my house. It stopped between two giant potted gardenia bushes and sat there looking at me. I called it and it came over to me and let me pet him.
Turns out he was being “cat sit” by next door neighbor, for a 20 something sister of her boss, who was couch surfing at her sister’s house. I heard my neighbor calling for the cat, and I popped my head over the fence and said I have a cat over here. The cat was Bubby. He was an indoor outdoor cat and she let him out in the day cause she was allergic to cats. I told her I would watch the cat for the young woman who owned him, so she gave me the litter box and cat food.
Well let’s just say I never gave the cat back to the young woman. She was way too unstable and couldn’t really provide a decent home for Bubby. He’s been my cat now for four years. From what the previous owner told me I reckon he’s about 5-6 years old. He’s a giant hunter and frequently leaves his “prize kills” for me at the back door on the door mat.
I totally feel Roxy sent Bubby to me. She knew I was missing the companionship of an animal big time, but wasn’t ready to commit to another dog. I am totally into “kitty love” now. I grew up with a Siamese cat, and then a Calico cat, but I never felt ‘kitty love” like I do for Bubby The Cat.
Oh a funny side note. I made a shrine to my dog Roxy, in a small pet bed after she passed, that I have in my bedroom. There are a couple of her favorite stuffed toys from when she was a puppy, à vile of her hair with some toenail clippings, and a small photo of her, that are nestled in this pet bed. When Bubby first came he curled up at night and slept in Roxy’s pet bed shrine! That’s when I knew of Bubby’s and Roxy’s link!
Roxy was our last dog!!! He was our VERY FIRST BABY'S baby (the dog we got before we even got married to "try out" parenting). We have quite a few shrines around here. XO
Her name was really Roxanne, after the song by the Police. I would sing the first line of the song to her all the time…”Roxanne…You don’t have to put on the red light”! But very quickly it went to Roxy, Roxy Anne Lee, or LaLeeLu.
I know how we come up with these variations on their names!
LOL. We had a Mitzi that was also Moo, Mouse, Monkey, and (wait for it) Moosquaw. Don't ask. ;) And one of my current babies is Harvey Specter... unless he does something naughty, and then he's [raises voice] Harvey Specter Pearson Litt!
Oh friend. There is nothing like the brutal, beautiful pain of loving and losing a pet. Not for me anyway. This is a beautiful tribute to Lola. You and your crew are in my prayers. May your grief be deep and full - don’t hold back. Leave nothing behind so you can move on. She will always be with you. Hugs to my favorite bad ass. ❤️
BTW: Aren't we supposed to meet our pets on "the other side of the Rainbow Bridge?" For many of us, there will be dozens of our four-legged family members. And for some of us there will be our feathered family! (Birds do live longer than dogs and cats. My son "gave me" his bird that can live 30-40 years. That was 20 years ago when he went to vet school on the Grand Cayman island and someone had to take care of her.)
I sure hope so! (Funny aside: When Sasha was probably six or seven--and this was long before my hubby had become an official "cat guy"--we asked her what she thought heaven looked like. She replied, "I don't know, but I think maybe a bunch of old people sitting around with a lot of cats." My husband goes, "Oh, no, honey. That's HELL." We laugh about that to this day. ;)
😭😭😭 I'm sorry to hear about the loss of Lola. It sounds like she fit right into your family and knew her exaxt role in this life. What an incredible thing.
Losing our pets is the worst part, but we all know what we are signing up for when we bring them into our hearts and homes and sign an immutable soul pact that can never be broken, even when they cross that rainbow bridge. It's amazing that she was a part of your family for two decades. I can only hope that our 13 year old dog will live longer than most for the sake of our family, especially our two littles.
Thank you for sharing the life of Lola McCarthy with us. Sending positive thoughts and prayers to you and your family. ❤️🤗
First paragraph and my eyes are filling and my nose is burning and I’m just so sorry because our pets are our family (and…there goes the first tear). Big hugs to you all. And to the other furry friends in your home will also miss Lola so, so much.
I don't know what to say other than my sadness over your loss is palpable... I grieve with you through the understanding that only experience can provide.
If it helps... and I'm not being "religious" here when I say this... my grief is mitigated with the knowledge (not belief) that we are all eternal beings... and I do mean "all"... I could tell you a story that would lighten your heart... let me know if you want to hear it, and I'll DM you.
Here's Anthony's story (which broke me a little, not gonna lie):
My dog, LC (which originally stood for “Little Cutie”, but later morphed into “Little Criminal”), was a ¼ Boxer & ¾ Pit Bull, and oftentimes when she caught me sitting somewhere she would do the Boxer’s thing of coming up to me and practically climbing up on me, putting one paw on each of my shoulders, and hugging and nuzzling me… it’s a trait that Boxers have… and what she did to show affection.
It was the 4th of September 2021, a Saturday on Labor Day weekend… unbeknownst to me my best friend and dog, LC, had gotten accidentally shut inside my Volvo XC-90 (with the doors shut they’re tighter than a gnat’s ass), and by the time I found her she had expired from her own CO2… We cremated her on a wood pyre that evening as the sun went down.
Jenna, I didn’t cry several times a day, every day for a month… I WEPT every day, several times a day for a month!
One day later in the month I was sitting in a chair in the breezeway of the barn, in the midst of despair… there was a small round cable-spool table sitting in front of me that my drink and my phone were sitting on… I was getting ready to feed the cattle that afternoon (we had about 20 head of Angus) and they had all gathered beside the barn waiting to be fed. The only sound was that of the cows impatiently mooing (rather loudly) and the only smell was (as usual) of cow shit.
I leaned forward to do something… I don’t know if it was to grab my glass for a drink of bourbon, or to pick up my phone to check the time, but when I leaned forward… ALL I could smell was the scent of LC!… A huge smile came across my face, and I immediately got Goosebumps that had Goosebumps… she had come to hug and nuzzle me to let me know that she was OK… and that I should know that and be OK too.
I don’t know if you’re aware, but the sense of smell is the most primal of the 5 senses humans have… there’s something special about it that raises it above the other four.
I hope that little story brought a smile to your face… More than 5 years later that memory still brings a smile to mine… :)
There were several of your readers that wanted to hear that story… I’ll leave it to you if you want to share it.
Jenna, you are so very sweet... I do hope that little story helped assuage your grief, if even only slightly... and bring a smile to your face... and I hope that others found solace in it as well... as I said, the memory always brings a smile to mine.
I grew up with cats and had indoor cats from the time I left college until about 10 years ago. My favorites are the skittish and pissy ones that only like maybe 1 or 2 people and hide from the rest of the world. Maybe because they remind me of me.
What a beautiful and Graceful telling of your Lola and who she was as a member of your family. My heart got that deep ache and my eyes watered. And then I felt what a lucky, lucky cat. 💕
And now my eyes watered again and got that ache back in my heart- it is such a distinctive ache isn’t it?
I want to share something very personal with you that helped me immensely when I lost my 16 year old Cocker Spaniel Chelsea in 2006. I felt my body shutting down and I believe I had made an unconscious decision to die. And then I thought that would mean I would have preferred NOT to have her in my life at all. And that lead me to this thought that got me through the pain…like a solid emotional stop, a solid floor.
I heard myself say,
“I will not let the loss become more than the Love.”
Crying with you. The emptiness in the early morning is the worst. Every space they parked their furry body is empty. I still have fur rubbed off by my Maine coon Taffy on a curtain bottom and he left us during lockdown 2020 and a kind horse vet came to the house. I said goodbye to my other cat, Rosie, within a year of Taffy. I can’t write any more. I’m going out to tidy their resting places today. Most of us know exactly how you and your family feel. Sending big hugs. God loves what you love so Lola will bound over the Rainbow Bridge someday. Yeah, I believe.
What a gift Lola was, especially for your precious Sasha. She must have felt very special that she was Lola’s person.
Praying your heartache lessens a bit each day. Time is the only thing that enables you to just get used to it - never “over it”.
Sadly it’s what we sign up for when we adopt our precious pets - we will most likely outlive them. For me, the joy they bring cannot be erased when they leave us.
Well, here we go. Tears. And understanding and sorrow and all the feels. I am truly sorry for your loss and I know you know that your readers probably all understand on a very deep level. One we wish we didn't. RIP Lola. And all my love to you and your family.
Such a wonderful tribute to your sweet baby! It is so heartbreaking to lose them. We have walked this walk several times in our almost 50 years of marriage and it never gets easier. 😢
We've been through this so many times. And though it sounds callous, the only way we can get through losing a pet is to find another one. You and your family have my deepest sympathies over the loss of Lola.
Just popping onto this top comment to say an emotional and heartfelt THANK YOU to you all for your stories and sympathy and virtual hugs. It's so true, a sorrow shared is a sorrow halved. I love reading about all of YOUR fur babies, too (some of you have even emailed me pictures; MY HEART). The crazy thing about us pet-people is that we know, every time, that this is how it ends. EVERY TIME. And we keep doing it anyway. We're either special or mad. There's no middle ground. ;)
Knowing how it ends, but taking the risk & loving anyway. It’s the pain of loss that connects us to one another. Condolences on your loss of your beloved Lola.
So very many times and it never gets easier......
Our little Mia passed one year ago in May. 🥹. She was with us for 17 wonderful years; we have so many happy memories. We still miss her, she was part of our family. Your Lola was too, and so beautiful. Prayers for little Lola and all of you. 🤗🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷
Just like childbirth, we know how painful (physically and emotionally), it is, but we keep going back for more. The circle of life. Many hugs to you today. 🤗🤗🤗
'Specially mad me thinks.
Mary Ann, my spouse the DVM has always told grieving pet owners that they will know when the time is right for when/if they welcome a new pet. Then he would tell them to be ready because the pet in need of a loving home will find them, often when they least expect it.
Oh, the Cat Redistribution Program is real. We lost a rescue kitty about two years ago and within weeks we "found" an abandoned stray (he found us?). I'm sure some sweet, hungry kitty will wander up to our door any day now -- AND WE WILL OPEN IT, as you do. XO
For us, the right time is when a stray shows up at the door or we find a puppy on the highway. And it ALWAYS happens not long after we lose one of our pets.
Oh I totally get your thing and story with Lola.
I had Blue Heeler (Australian Cattle Dog) Roxy for 16 years. She came into my life at 6 weeks of age. She was my soul sister. Wasn’t particularly cozy whatsoever, but she was my constant sidekick for 16 years. She passed in March 2022. There was gap of pet love, that’s for sure, but I was in no way ready to go out and get another dog.
The day I brought Roxy’s ashes home, I was out in the backyard and this black and white Tuxedo cat came slinking into the backyard from the south side of my house. It stopped between two giant potted gardenia bushes and sat there looking at me. I called it and it came over to me and let me pet him.
Turns out he was being “cat sit” by next door neighbor, for a 20 something sister of her boss, who was couch surfing at her sister’s house. I heard my neighbor calling for the cat, and I popped my head over the fence and said I have a cat over here. The cat was Bubby. He was an indoor outdoor cat and she let him out in the day cause she was allergic to cats. I told her I would watch the cat for the young woman who owned him, so she gave me the litter box and cat food.
Well let’s just say I never gave the cat back to the young woman. She was way too unstable and couldn’t really provide a decent home for Bubby. He’s been my cat now for four years. From what the previous owner told me I reckon he’s about 5-6 years old. He’s a giant hunter and frequently leaves his “prize kills” for me at the back door on the door mat.
I totally feel Roxy sent Bubby to me. She knew I was missing the companionship of an animal big time, but wasn’t ready to commit to another dog. I am totally into “kitty love” now. I grew up with a Siamese cat, and then a Calico cat, but I never felt ‘kitty love” like I do for Bubby The Cat.
Oh a funny side note. I made a shrine to my dog Roxy, in a small pet bed after she passed, that I have in my bedroom. There are a couple of her favorite stuffed toys from when she was a puppy, à vile of her hair with some toenail clippings, and a small photo of her, that are nestled in this pet bed. When Bubby first came he curled up at night and slept in Roxy’s pet bed shrine! That’s when I knew of Bubby’s and Roxy’s link!
Roxy was our last dog!!! He was our VERY FIRST BABY'S baby (the dog we got before we even got married to "try out" parenting). We have quite a few shrines around here. XO
Her name was really Roxanne, after the song by the Police. I would sing the first line of the song to her all the time…”Roxanne…You don’t have to put on the red light”! But very quickly it went to Roxy, Roxy Anne Lee, or LaLeeLu.
I know how we come up with these variations on their names!
LOL. We had a Mitzi that was also Moo, Mouse, Monkey, and (wait for it) Moosquaw. Don't ask. ;) And one of my current babies is Harvey Specter... unless he does something naughty, and then he's [raises voice] Harvey Specter Pearson Litt!
I call my Bubby, Bubsy, Bubbaloo , and Moo!
Oh friend. There is nothing like the brutal, beautiful pain of loving and losing a pet. Not for me anyway. This is a beautiful tribute to Lola. You and your crew are in my prayers. May your grief be deep and full - don’t hold back. Leave nothing behind so you can move on. She will always be with you. Hugs to my favorite bad ass. ❤️
BTW: Aren't we supposed to meet our pets on "the other side of the Rainbow Bridge?" For many of us, there will be dozens of our four-legged family members. And for some of us there will be our feathered family! (Birds do live longer than dogs and cats. My son "gave me" his bird that can live 30-40 years. That was 20 years ago when he went to vet school on the Grand Cayman island and someone had to take care of her.)
I sure hope so! (Funny aside: When Sasha was probably six or seven--and this was long before my hubby had become an official "cat guy"--we asked her what she thought heaven looked like. She replied, "I don't know, but I think maybe a bunch of old people sitting around with a lot of cats." My husband goes, "Oh, no, honey. That's HELL." We laugh about that to this day. ;)
"By this point, she was old and we were old and everyone was too tired to argue" - lol
😭😭😭 I'm sorry to hear about the loss of Lola. It sounds like she fit right into your family and knew her exaxt role in this life. What an incredible thing.
Losing our pets is the worst part, but we all know what we are signing up for when we bring them into our hearts and homes and sign an immutable soul pact that can never be broken, even when they cross that rainbow bridge. It's amazing that she was a part of your family for two decades. I can only hope that our 13 year old dog will live longer than most for the sake of our family, especially our two littles.
Thank you for sharing the life of Lola McCarthy with us. Sending positive thoughts and prayers to you and your family. ❤️🤗
"Grief is the price we pay for love." - An Unidentified but Wise Speaker
Actual Amen.
Oh gee. Here come the tears. It would not be heaven if we didn't see our best pets when we arrive. Hugs and love with many happy memories.
@Sadie- I've said that very thing for years.
Pets bring such dimension to our lives - loving, loyal, forgiving & nonjudgmental.
Oftentimes the infinitely preferable company compared to the human animal for all of those qualities!
I even enjoy the odd cat who IS a little judgemental.
😼
First paragraph and my eyes are filling and my nose is burning and I’m just so sorry because our pets are our family (and…there goes the first tear). Big hugs to you all. And to the other furry friends in your home will also miss Lola so, so much.
First paragraph? I made it to the first picture before I had to pause for kleenex.
FIrst REAL paragrah…technically the second…
I knew exactly which you meant, Nard. To be honest, I paused at the "intro."
I don't know what to say other than my sadness over your loss is palpable... I grieve with you through the understanding that only experience can provide.
If it helps... and I'm not being "religious" here when I say this... my grief is mitigated with the knowledge (not belief) that we are all eternal beings... and I do mean "all"... I could tell you a story that would lighten your heart... let me know if you want to hear it, and I'll DM you.
I WANT TO HEAR IT LOL
I'll write to you... I think you'll like the story.
We ALL want to hear it! Please give Jenna permission to share it, if she thinks it appropriate.
Here's Anthony's story (which broke me a little, not gonna lie):
My dog, LC (which originally stood for “Little Cutie”, but later morphed into “Little Criminal”), was a ¼ Boxer & ¾ Pit Bull, and oftentimes when she caught me sitting somewhere she would do the Boxer’s thing of coming up to me and practically climbing up on me, putting one paw on each of my shoulders, and hugging and nuzzling me… it’s a trait that Boxers have… and what she did to show affection.
It was the 4th of September 2021, a Saturday on Labor Day weekend… unbeknownst to me my best friend and dog, LC, had gotten accidentally shut inside my Volvo XC-90 (with the doors shut they’re tighter than a gnat’s ass), and by the time I found her she had expired from her own CO2… We cremated her on a wood pyre that evening as the sun went down.
Jenna, I didn’t cry several times a day, every day for a month… I WEPT every day, several times a day for a month!
One day later in the month I was sitting in a chair in the breezeway of the barn, in the midst of despair… there was a small round cable-spool table sitting in front of me that my drink and my phone were sitting on… I was getting ready to feed the cattle that afternoon (we had about 20 head of Angus) and they had all gathered beside the barn waiting to be fed. The only sound was that of the cows impatiently mooing (rather loudly) and the only smell was (as usual) of cow shit.
I leaned forward to do something… I don’t know if it was to grab my glass for a drink of bourbon, or to pick up my phone to check the time, but when I leaned forward… ALL I could smell was the scent of LC!… A huge smile came across my face, and I immediately got Goosebumps that had Goosebumps… she had come to hug and nuzzle me to let me know that she was OK… and that I should know that and be OK too.
I don’t know if you’re aware, but the sense of smell is the most primal of the 5 senses humans have… there’s something special about it that raises it above the other four.
I hope that little story brought a smile to your face… More than 5 years later that memory still brings a smile to mine… :)
There were several of your readers that wanted to hear that story… I’ll leave it to you if you want to share it.
Hugs and nuzzles my dear, Jenna.
Thank you for that... I'll let Jenna be the Judge as to whether I should post it here on her Stack or communicate privately.
I think we all like to hear a hopeful story, something that feels like they are eternally with us. I miss my kitties so much
Perhaps that story could be your 1st substack entry. Just sayin'
Actually, I'm more of a "Notes" person... I leave the main articles to those who are better at writing... ;)
Yup, we want to hear it!
I just posted it above. :)
Jenna, you are so very sweet... I do hope that little story helped assuage your grief, if even only slightly... and bring a smile to your face... and I hope that others found solace in it as well... as I said, the memory always brings a smile to mine.
Thank you for sharing Anthony! We all dream a little of that last hug or cuddle.
I want to hear it too! Please
We all want to hear it!
I want to hear it, too, please!!
I want to hear it too!
I grew up with cats and had indoor cats from the time I left college until about 10 years ago. My favorites are the skittish and pissy ones that only like maybe 1 or 2 people and hide from the rest of the world. Maybe because they remind me of me.
:)
What a beautiful and Graceful telling of your Lola and who she was as a member of your family. My heart got that deep ache and my eyes watered. And then I felt what a lucky, lucky cat. 💕
Awe, thank you for saying that (I'm still sobbing).
And now my eyes watered again and got that ache back in my heart- it is such a distinctive ache isn’t it?
I want to share something very personal with you that helped me immensely when I lost my 16 year old Cocker Spaniel Chelsea in 2006. I felt my body shutting down and I believe I had made an unconscious decision to die. And then I thought that would mean I would have preferred NOT to have her in my life at all. And that lead me to this thought that got me through the pain…like a solid emotional stop, a solid floor.
I heard myself say,
“I will not let the loss become more than the Love.”
thank you for this. Thanks.
So true and profound, thank you.
Crying with you. The emptiness in the early morning is the worst. Every space they parked their furry body is empty. I still have fur rubbed off by my Maine coon Taffy on a curtain bottom and he left us during lockdown 2020 and a kind horse vet came to the house. I said goodbye to my other cat, Rosie, within a year of Taffy. I can’t write any more. I’m going out to tidy their resting places today. Most of us know exactly how you and your family feel. Sending big hugs. God loves what you love so Lola will bound over the Rainbow Bridge someday. Yeah, I believe.
I hope so.
I want all of my kitties back. My favorite thing was to dote on them incessantly
Me too. My Taffy was 23 pounds. The kid across the street thought we had a lion as a pet when he saw Taffy behind the glass door. 🌈
I so wish we could ALL share photos!!! I've always wanted a gigantic cat. Lola was six pounds dripping wet.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Been there too many times with Bear, Sophie, Tank, and Rosie (dogs). Praying for your broken hearts. Psalms 147:3
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”
Trying to type through my tears.
My heart goes out to you and your family Jenna.
What a gift Lola was, especially for your precious Sasha. She must have felt very special that she was Lola’s person.
Praying your heartache lessens a bit each day. Time is the only thing that enables you to just get used to it - never “over it”.
Sadly it’s what we sign up for when we adopt our precious pets - we will most likely outlive them. For me, the joy they bring cannot be erased when they leave us.
😘❤️🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Well, here we go. Tears. And understanding and sorrow and all the feels. I am truly sorry for your loss and I know you know that your readers probably all understand on a very deep level. One we wish we didn't. RIP Lola. And all my love to you and your family.
Such a wonderful tribute to your sweet baby! It is so heartbreaking to lose them. We have walked this walk several times in our almost 50 years of marriage and it never gets easier. 😢