Door Dash White House Stunt Goes Horribly Wrong
I mean, nobody died or anything, but try to tell the media that.
First and importantly, thank you all, from the bottom of my aching, grateful heart, for your outpouring of sympathy in the wake of losing our little Lola. I read every one of your fur baby stories and am sending you all a huge virtual hug. Please know that this community is a blessing and a privilege I do not and will not ever take for granted.
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Picture it, if you will: An elderly lady* strolls up to the front door of the White House swinging a pair of McDonald’s bags like she’s dropping off a fresh batch of banana bread to her neighbor. Not a side entrance. Not some guardhouse or security checkpoint. The front door. And who answers? The President of the United States, personally, like he just happened to be breezing through the foyer when the Ring went off and thought, “I guess I’ll grab that.”
*The “elderly lady” in question is literally the exact same age as me, and yes, the media referred to her that way no fewer than three dozen times. If anyone needs me, I’ll be soaking my bunions and watching Wheel of Fortune with the volume cranked all the way up.
Probably because the delivery dinosaur gal was wearing an instantly-recognizable red DoorDash T-shirt (that also handily identified her as a harmless grandma), there was no Secret Service shakedown. Not even a “can we help you?” or “ma’am, we’re gonna need you to step away from the residence.” Just a smooth exchange of fries, a sweet $100 tip, and a quick chat about how great Trump’s “No Tax On Tips” initiative is. Oh, and—talk about a miraculous coincidence—camera crews just happened to be on hand to capture the drop-off from every possible angle.
There’s a stunning and scandalous twist to this story, though, and you probably won’t believe it so I hope you are sitting down.