112 Comments
Apr 18Liked by Jenna McCarthy

Best. Post. Ever.

Truly, I’m lying in bed reading, and laughed out loud which almost woke up my oriental husband sleeping next to me. Wasn’t too loud, though - the half-breed upstairs is still asleep.

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Apr 18Liked by Jenna McCarthy

Same! Minus the oriental husband and half breed!! 😂😂 Hilarious. Both of you

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Apr 18Liked by Jenna McCarthy

Me, too, sans the oriental and half-breed. But I’m pretty sure I can find SOME description of my spouse that would truly offend someone!

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author

LOL! My dad was the least PC human being I've ever met. Think George Carlin impersonating a drunk construction worker. Dad inexplicably (and affectionately) referred to my Portuguese husband as "the sponge diver." I have never been able to find anything that makes this even remotely make sense, but Dad thought it was hilarious. (He also was an Italian greaser from an Italian neighborhood in NYC and referred to himself and all his friends as guineas and wops. If you look up those words and their etymologies, they're surprisingly benign. As Carlin famously said, words aren't racist; it's the intent and the context you use them in that are.)

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Apr 18Liked by Jenna McCarthy

Haha, but your dad was right! Sponge diving was a big industry in Portugal as in Greece back in the day! I have a feeling I would have gotten along just great with your dad…he sounds like mine! Two of my best friends are German and they refer to themselves collectively as the Krauts! There is no humor in this “woke” world anymore. Can you imagine them making a movie like Blazing Saddles these days or a tv series like Archie Bunker? The meltdown would be epic, to say the least!

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author

Dad was a smart SOB then! (And he only made it to 59. :) And I COULDN'T AGREE MORE!!!

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My wop homemade wine guzzling construction worker papa only made it to 57.

He was an ogre WITH papers though. 😉

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Apr 18Liked by Jenna McCarthy

My old coworker was the most inappropriate person on the planet. One of my favorite things to do was sit him right next to my mother or sister in law (they are the exact type of people you describe in your stack…just looking for reasons to be offended) and watch their heads explode!! My husband eventually figured out what I was doing and we enjoyed it so much I went out of my way to invite him to family gatherings just so we could place bets on who would get mad first. It was glorious

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author

Bahahahahaha I LOVE THIS!

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😂 right? It’s the little things.

My mil is the same person who I told she could have all of my shots (COVID) since she was such a believer. She didn’t know if she should be offended or happy. That was fun too.

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Haha, pretty sure we’re related!

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I hope so!

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Apr 19Liked by Jenna McCarthy

Best read in a long time… laughed the whole way through while shaking my head because I know there are people out there who would offend.

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😂😂😂😂

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Apr 18Liked by Jenna McCarthy

Got an email from a company (Skylight Frames) telling me that if I was sensitive to Mothers Day or Father’s Day (for whatever reason) I could click a link and advertising emails with this subject matter would not come to my inbox. Good Lord. I wrote back telling them to fuck themselves all the way off but in a nice way by saying this is a slippery slope and they’re going to be sending these emails to people every day for everything that could possibly trigger someone’s sensitivity’s. Ridiculous.

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author

How about we just ignore or delete that with which we don't vibe? Seems simple enough?

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Apr 18Liked by Jenna McCarthy

The thing is that would probably take less effort than reading their ridiculous email and clicking the link. It's just all so dumb

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Why were you nice?

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Apr 19Liked by Jenna McCarthy

Good question

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Frakin A!

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Apr 18Liked by Jenna McCarthy

You’re the best (insert offensive exclamatory adjective ) writer on substack. ❤️

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author

LOL you're the best (same adjective) commenter! ;)

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I never realized until I read your hilarious details that it was so confusing to attempt to talk to morons today.

In the late 60s I might have said, "Bubba was out hotrodding and blew his tranny!"

It could be entirely misconstrued in modern conversation!

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author

🤣🤣🤣

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OMG that's hilarious.

I recently built a desktop computer and it contains, wait for it......a Motherboard!

Not only that, there are connectors on the Motherboard labeled Master and drumroll.....Slave!

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Apr 18Liked by Jenna McCarthy

"Undocumented" seems a bit disparaging. Maybe we should call them pilgrims.

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Apr 18Liked by Jenna McCarthy

I have long found "undocumented" to be a strange term, as if the "undocumented" person just forgot their papers at home.

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author

Maybe this is too morbid an analogy, but when my dad died, I wrote about how much I hated the phrase "I lost my dad." Like maybe he was just wandering around the hardware store waiting for me to find him. I WISH. :(

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Apr 19Liked by Jenna McCarthy

Hi Jenna, So my 65 year old dad started telling people he was newly orphaned, that got a chuckle. It really blows off steam, or is that too close to blow…?

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author

That’s actually hilarious!🤣❤️

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Apr 18Liked by Jenna McCarthy

Now that’s funny!😂😂

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Apr 18Liked by Jenna McCarthy

I find these dictates ridiculous and also RETARDED. Sorry/not sorry.

Jim Bruer says it all since nobody else will say it:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=bItcoUb5xsw&pp=ygUSSmltIGJydWVyIHJldGFyZGVk

Jenna - I’m dying laughing and punching a wall at the same time. Laughing out loud is a lovely way to start my day. 🥰

And my sissy will be flying in shortly so that we can spend our 65th birthday together!

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Apr 18Liked by Jenna McCarthy

Michael Berry is a conservative talk show host out of Houston. He took a beating for calling his sister "retarded". He never backed down, though. He said "I call her retarded because she IS retarded!"

**Funny thing - I just searched to see if I could find a reference to this story using Brave. I used "Michael Berry sister retarded". Brave CHANGED my query to **"Who is Michael Berry's sister with special needs?"** Then, it went on to say:

"Based on the provided information, there is no mention of a sister for Sir Michael Berry, the physicist. The context provided discusses two different individuals named Michael Berry: Sir Michael Berry, a physicist, and Michael Berry, Baron Hartwell, a politician. Neither of their profiles mentions a sister with mental retardation.

The context also includes information about a documentary producer named Jeff Daly whose sister, Molly, was sent away to a state institution for people with mental retardation, but this is not related to the Michael Berry mentioned in the query.

Lastly, the context mentions a movie titled “The Other Sister” which is about mentally retarded people, but it does not involve a character named Michael Berry or his sister.

Therefore, based on the provided context, there is no direct information about a sister of Michael Berry with mental retardation.

****AI-generated answer. Please verify critical facts.****

The FIRST ENTRY IN THE RESULTS LIST shows-

Michael Berry (radio host) - Wikipedia

December 13, 2023

So much for AI "enhancing" any search query results!!!🙄🥴🤣

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author

BRAVE changed your QUERY? I have never seen or heard of such a thing. We're seriously screwed.

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Apr 18Liked by Jenna McCarthy

It's the first time I've seen this, too. I was shocked! And then to have the whole AI generated answer just completely sway away from the original query! So maddening!

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I used "Michael Berry brother dead" and it had no problem finding the correct Michael Berry and telling me that his police officer brother's death was "covid related". Michael was very vocal about using ivermectin during the plandemic.

Supposedly, the new Brave "AI Summarizer" has been active since March 2023 but I've never seen it before today. Maybe my phone just updated the Brave app? 🤷‍♀️

https://brave.com/blog/ai-summarizer/

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AI might not be all bad:

https://twitter.com/r_hirschman/status/1779532738820743518

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Holy Moly. They'll have to go patch that. Is it a "bug" or a "feature"? (Long running IT joke re: Microsoft.)

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I just came up with a new acronym for AI: Addled Inclusivity

Recommendation: Avoid using anything AI. I've disabled AI wherever possible.

Dr. Robert Malone introduced his readers to the Startpage search engine. You can make it your default and dispense with most woke nonsense. For info on Startpage and other privacy stuff, see https://eolson47.substack.com/i/136557135/protect-your-privacy

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author

Great info! My hubby still uses DDG... just sent him this. TY!

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Yeah, DDG is so last week. DDG no longer has its 🦆🦆🦆 (ducks in a row). Hope your hubby likes Startpage as much as I do.

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What's the gripe with DDG now? I'm so over this stuff I'm tempted to go back to Great Satan Google.

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I used DDG for quite a while but lost interest in the results it provided. I’ve had such great luck with startPage.com search that as long as it stays good, I won’t go anywhere else. I’ve done lots of comparison “shopping” and StartPage is one of the last, best hopes for thorough and unbiased search results overall.

I hope this info helps you avoid Captain Google.

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DDG started censoring when the Ukrainian war started.

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Apr 18Liked by Jenna McCarthy

Michael Berry took a beating? That's offensive to victims of police brutality! :)

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😜

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Ugh. Even Brave went woke 😡

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author

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to two of my favorites!!! Enjoy it and each other. :)

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Apr 18·edited Apr 18Liked by Jenna McCarthy

A most happy birthday to you both! I can't think of anything funny to say because Jenna and the commenters stole all my words, right out of my non-PC mouth.

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Thank you, Big E! 😘❤️

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🤗❣️💐

🎂🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️(65 of them -- I can make jokes because I'm older)

🔥🚒🧯👨‍🚒👩‍🚒🧑‍🚒

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Retarded is my favorite word!

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Apr 18Liked by Jenna McCarthy

Dear Falafel, “ transdermally correct” made me literally laugh out loud. Fortunately it’s 3 am and there’s nobody here to disturb. Thanks for sharing once again your wonderful sense of humor. I’m so going to steal your phrase.

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author

Your comment made ME laugh out loud. Touché, friend. :)

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Apr 18Liked by Jenna McCarthy

Hilariously brilliant!! And I love your tiara! 👑

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author

👸🙋‍♀️🤣

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Me too! 👸🏼💁‍♀️😂

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Apr 18Liked by Jenna McCarthy

Government growth creates crevices where the tattle tales and pull-legs-off-insects deviants we once despised are able to take up residence and turn the tables. Revenge of the turds. Not sure how to say this inclusively.

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Apr 18Liked by Jenna McCarthy

This comment is redacted due to pansies. Er... I meant flowers.

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Apr 18Liked by Jenna McCarthy

Absolutely. You offended everyone and their mothers, grandmothers, and no longer living birthing female assigned at birth great grandparent. Shame!!

This song automatically played in the background of my neurodivergent mind when reading this offensive masterpiece of yours: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fCMwlorNEZk

Challenge: Write another substack in only inclusive (not exclusive) language for all the snowflakes out there.

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author

THE TEETH but this line: Damn dog, we're all afraid to speak the truth

And the more afraid we get, the more we hate the ones who do

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Truth bombs!! That's why we love you beautiful humans!

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Apr 18Liked by Jenna McCarthy

They forgot PLUMBING parts in their examples.🤣 I was wondering when the male/female connectors would be attacked by the wokies. The good thing is that I seriously doubt that the service people like electricians and plumbers are gonna change their language any time soon, none that I know, anyway. The IT folks might be different, tho. 🤷‍♀️

I know I've seen ob/gyns attacked because they refuse to do female health exams on "men who think they are women" (I refuse to use the "trans" label because they can NOT transition or transform to the opposite sex, therefore the label is untruthful, the archaic term for a LIE!)

As with other nonsense that has been sprinkled into our society, the Politically Correct crap was started by the Tavistock Institute.

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I figure anybody who gazes into their underwear and doesn't believe what they see is gender confused!

A few short years ago these confused people would be living in a mental institution. Now they can run for Congress or become college professors!

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Apr 18Liked by Jenna McCarthy

I’d like a new moniker for us unvaccinated instead of gramma killer or selfish assholes. 🤔 How about “intelligent choice person”

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Apr 18Liked by Jenna McCarthy

Laughing and laughing and laughing. This was a marvelous piece that just got funnier the more I read. Thanks for brightening a regularly not-very-bright world!

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Apr 18Liked by Jenna McCarthy

I cannot even begin to tell you how delightful your writing is to me. This is a brilliant piece. I'm sending it to everyone I know! xox

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author

Consider me thrilled and honored. :)

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I want a t-shirt that says this:

As a white Catholic male formed in Western Civilization, I am OFFENDED at all you uppity oafs who have appropriated my culture. Freedom of speech, intellectual thought, compassion for and tolerance of other opinions: ALL MINE. I WANT THEM BACK NOW!

(It's too long for a t-shirt, but I could fit it on one of those tents Killary Hinton likes to wear.)

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