When the Gravy Train Goes off the Tracks

On tantrums, tariffs, and the trouble with entitlement

I have an actress friend named Shelby who married another actor when they were both painfully young. They were the golden couple of their college theater program—two beautiful nobodies with dreams bigger than their combined credit scores. They tied the knot in a rush of optimism, unpaid student loans, and a lavish JCPenney wedding registry. But while Shelby hit the pavement, snagging commercial gigs and a breakout role as “Worried Nurse #3,” he mostly hit the couch. His idea of hustle was alphabetizing his Nintendo collection and walking their Shih Tzu to Starbucks (unless it was raining).

As her résumé grew, his ambition shrank. By the time Shelby had landed a recurring role on a mid-level sitcom, her dependent adult male partner had become a fat, lazy, comfortable, stay-at-home dog-dad. He stopped auditioning for roles, abandoned the idea of even part-time work, and offered emotional support in the form of unwanted advances and unsolicited monologue critiques.

This went on for a solid decade, until one day Shelby woke up, tossed the contents of his half of the closet on the front lawn, drove to the courthouse, and filed for divorce. She was ecstatic. Relieved. Free. She was finally going to get that 200-pound barnacle off her back.

What Shelby didn’t expect—what no one expected—was that the judge would award her full-time houseguest alimony. Because she’d spent so many years carrying the emotional, financial, and literal weight of this man (he once made her carry a bookshelf up three flights of stairs because he was “in character,” and apparently his character was a misogynistic jerk), the state felt she was obligated to continue to do so for the foreseeable future.

“He’s entitled to maintain the same standard of living he enjoyed while you were married,” the judge explained.

Entitled indeed.

Her literal reason for leaving was that she was tired of supporting him while he sat around being worthless, and the judgment was, “Congratulations! You’ve been promoted from miserable wife to resentful sugar mama. At least you don’t have to share a bathroom or a bed anymore.” It was like returning a defective $25 blender and being charged a $30 restocking fee.

***Before any skulls explode, yes, I realize this happens far more often with entitled, parasitic ex-wives. This was just an especially egregious example from my personal experience. No need for a lecture or a statistical smackdown.***

It’s a pretty relevant parable for this moment in global politics, when people who have long depended on [read: exploited] a system are demanding to keep the benefits of a role they no longer hold—if they ever held it at all. It’s happening with countries reacting to Trump’s tariffs and with newly unemployed federal workers who very much enjoyed not working and collecting a fat paycheck *who can blame them?* and with illegal aliens undocumented immigrants who are not only getting kicked off the gravy train but being told they need to buy the same ticket as everyone else if they want to ride.

The horror! The nerve! The injustice!

In an interview with Fox News’s Maria Bartiromo, former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich echoed this analogy.

“[Trump] is challenging a system that was decaying and failing, and I think that causes people heartburn. If your brother-in-law is used to the idea that you’re going to loan him your car, pay for the gasoline and also buy him dinner, and one morning you say to him, you know, I’m done doing that, he’s going to be resentful because he thinks they’re his rights. That’s part of what we’re seeing from our allies around the world, people who have basically mooched off of us are very offended that we’re saying, hey, we’re going to put America first. We expect you to put Germany first or Canada first. But that is an enormous shock, because for over a half century, they’ve learned that we’ll carry them and that they can ride on our backs.”

And that’s precisely what we’re seeing with so many of the old, broken system’s former beneficiaries, nations and individuals, who are left grappling with a new reality where the rules have changed, but the sense of entitlement lingers. Like Shelby’s deadbeat ex, they’re hell-bent on maintaining the comforts of a partnership that’s already ended, clutching at alimony, subsidies, or trade exemptions as if they’re owed, not earned. The world, it seems, is full of former flames who can’t quite believe the free ride is over, and judges—literal and metaphorical—who seem to agree.

Do you think Trump is fixing a broken system or breaking a decent-enough one? Is America obligated to solve the rest of the planet’s problems? Will tariffs replace the federal income tax and if so, how do you plan to celebrate? Tell me your thoughts on entitlement and more in the comments. :)

You can read my stack for free, but not this book. This one you’ve got to buy. Sorry.