Trump Delivers Historic State of the Union Address

*Crushes Bill Clinton's record for length. Cue the memes.

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Last night’s State of the Union address might be the first in history where the reaction was published before the president even opened his mouth.

By the time Donald Trump stepped up to deliver the speech—you know, the one intended to summarize the Condition of the Country—America had already been thoroughly pre-scolded, pre-panicked, pre-eulogized, and pre-exhausted by a press corps treating a briefing that hadn’t even happened yet like it was the total solar eclipse, Y2K, and the final season of Stranger Things all rolled into one.

Outlets were breathlessly reporting on the future remarks all day yesterday: anxiety about what he might say, dire predictions about the impact his appearance was going to have on his polling numbers, and the emotional triggers it was expected to cause among NPR tote bag owners. It was the first presidential address in history where the coverage felt less like journalism and more like a viewer discretion warning: “Tonight may be difficult for some of you. Please practice grounding techniques and stay hydrated.”