The Left's Fiery Breakup with Elon Musk

Literally.

Once upon a time, in a land filled with reusable grocery bags and rainbow flags and Subaru Outbacks sporting BAN GUNS, NOT BOOKS bumper stickers, there lived a man named Elon Musk. And liberals loved him. Like, really loved him.

He was their brilliant, quirky, meme-loving cyber god, single-handedly driving the future of technology and curing humanity of its fossil fuel addiction at the same time. Tesla wasn’t just a car company, it was a movement, a revolution, a rolling middle finger to Big Oil. Elon was their generation’s Einstein; the guy who was going to protect the planet, colonize Mars, and maybe—just maybe—help them avoid ever having to make small talk with a gas station cashier again.

But then, one day, the worst thing ever happened. Elon Musk accidentally wore his supervillain suit in public.

He didn’t start building a doomsday machine or clubbing baby kittens for fun; he did something far worse in Democratic circles—he started sounding like… a conservative. At first it was openly condemning woke culture and making fun of pronouns (and St. Fauci, in the same tweet!), two of liberals’ very favorite things. Then he took his whole “free speech” evangelism way too far by letting the misinformation-spreading army of anti-vaxxers who had been brutally booted off his platform back into the fold. Finally came the ultimate betrayal: Elon didn’t just acknowledge Donald Trump’s despicable existence and reinstate the megalomaniacal Orange Führer’s X account—he donned a Dark MAGA hat himself and then full-bore endorsed the devil, without even having the decency to launch himself into orbit immediately afterward.

How. Dare. He.

The Model Y-driving, oat-milk-drinking elite were devastated. Elon was their EV messiah, a tireless climate crusader, the savior of the human race. They’d spent four exhausting years trying to convince everyone on Facebook the planet that Trump would literally be the death of democracy. How could their unelected leader—oh, the irony!—betray them so?

And just like that, their god became a grifter, their savior a sellout. The very same people who once refused to buy any vehicle that couldn’t summon itself from a parking lot and make fart sounds on command weren’t just canceling their Cybertruck orders and tagging their tweets with #SpaceKarenStrikesAgain; they were carving swastikas and other obscenities into strangers’ cars and setting anything with a Tesla logo—dealerships, vehicles, charging stations—on fire.

Where’s the lie, though?

I’m pretty sure if Santa Claus announced tomorrow he was a Trump fan, liberals would cancel Christmas.

Thanks to an increasingly unhinged left, Tesla vandalism has been trending on X, with users sharing a video library of shameless acts of violence, insolence, and outright moral depravity against Musk Motor Company and anyone who supports it. (Definitely do not click this link unless you’re prepared to forsake society forever and go live in a yurt in the forest *you were warned*.)

YouTube is brimming with how-to-remove-your-Tesla-T-emblem-with-dental-floss videos, while over on Instagram you can pick up tips for “rebranding” your EV if you’re worried your “I bought this before Elon went crazy” window decal isn’t going to provide enough protection against EVangelicals hungry to start another car-b-que.

They’ll never know.

Of course, the media—who once worshipped Elon for his environmental activism, technological innovation, and entrepreneurial vision—turned on him with a vengeance, too. Overnight, glowing profiles hyping his brilliance and imagination were replaced with hit pieces like “Elon Musk’s Daughter Says Father’s Rally Gesture Was ‘Definitely a Nazi Salute’” and “The Elon Musk Way: Move Fast and Destroy Democracy.”

It was a total reversal, one that makes perfect sense in a world where yesterday’s back-the-blue conservatives are routinely banned from social media and the party of “down with corporate greed” relentlessly defends Big Pharma. It’s a confusing time to be alive. Especially when the former golden chariot of progressive values has become a right-wing vehicle of doom, and conservatives—who used to refer to Tesla owners as a bunch of smug virtue-signalers—are lining up to buy cars that don’t even need gasoline and tweeting about how free speech tastes better when you drive an EV.

The funny part is, there was a time when the left loved Elon unapologetically and apolitically. (Musk has donated to both political parties consistently over the years, and in the 2008 presidential primaries, he contributed to both Barack Obama’s and Hillary Clinton’s campaigns don’t hold it against him.) He’s still the same eccentric billionaire with a space obsession and a knack for turning science fiction into reality, and he’s still doing what he always did—revolutionizing industries, launching oddball ideas (next up: an all-night Tesla diner with charging-while-you-eat incoming!), and tweeting before thinking. Only now that he’s doing it wearing a MAGA hat, furious liberals are weeping into their organic avocado toast and punching angry holes into their solar panels. Oh, and apparently, threatening to murder Musk.

To be perfectly clear, I’m not calling Space Karen the Conservative Messiah, nor do I live worry-free that he’d never try to put a chip in my brain if given the chance. I’m merely pointing out the extreme, absurd, partisan flip-flopping that’s currently occurring on the other side of the aisle. That said, as a self-professed Pollyanna, I might admit I’m cautiously optimistic that a guy with a seemingly reasonable outlook and a brain the size of Texas has a desk in the Oval Office. It could certainly be worse.

Photo courtesy of NYT hahahaha but seriously.

As for the dems who suddenly loathe self-driving, clean-energy luxury cars? Enjoy your Priuses (which are collectively technically known as Prii, who knew?).

Give me your thoughts on the recent surge of Democratic vitriol, violent keying sprees, and flaming hypocrisy [pun intended] in the comments.

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