The Internet: "Angelina Jolie's Been Cloned."
Apparently we now go from "looks different" to "definitely a cyborg" in thirty seconds flat.
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The Hollywood Cloning Factory is a lot like Area 51: nobody’s actually been there, but everyone’s got a theory about it. The suspected list of celebrities who’ve been body-doubled is longer than a Pink Floyd deep cut: Paul McCartney. Avril Lavigne. Megan Fox. Katy Perry. Eminem. Britney Spears. Selena Gomez. Beyoncé. Taylor Swift. Jim Carrey. All of them—and honestly, countless more—no longer of this earthly realm but in fact replaced by synthetic replicas. Three-dimensional deepfakes. Literal carbon copies.
The latest supernova to join their ranks? Angelina Jolie. RIP, pretty lady. I hope it was painless.
The proof? This week, “Angelina” appeared at a Tom Ford event in Shanghai, where she floated down the red carpet, smiled for photos, and delivered a perfectly serviceable line about being grateful to be there. The problem? The woman in the footage didn’t even look like the Jim-Carrey-Temu version of the former Mrs. Pitt. It wasn’t the makeup. It wasn’t the angle. It wasn’t plastic surgery. It wasn’t jetlag or adrenochrome or a Vaseline-smeared camera lens.
It wasn’t her.