Sleep In Heavenly Peace, My Ass

(From IF IT WAS EASY THEY'D CALL THE WHOLE DAMN THING A HONEYMOON)

To my lovely paid subscribers: I hope you enjoy the next installment of this serialized version of If It Was Easy. I’ll remind my delicate readers that this post *may* (read: definitely will) contain profanity. Proceed with caution. ;)

“Do you know what it means when you have a man lying in bed
next to you moaning and gasping?
It means you didn't hold th…