No, Really. This Time They're TOTALLY Going to Release the Epstein Files

In the meantime, enjoy a little bribery, accusations involving "girls in bikinis," a congressional cage match, some steamy dirt on Hillary, and a surprise response from the star of yesterday's stack

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Every few months, Washington announces that the Epstein files are about to drop (much like that fifth season of Stranger Things they’ve been promising since 2022). And every time, the public reacts like Charlie Brown staring at Lucy holding a football: maybe this time.

At some point, it stops being hope and starts being a hobby.

This week, Democrats released a scant handful of selectively redacted Epstein emails—three to be exact—and within hours, Republicans unleashed 20,000 unredacted documents from the unalive sex trafficker’s estate. The dueling drops sent Congress into a meltdown, cable news into a frenzy, and half the internet into déjà vu, because we’ve all seen this circus before.

(Also don’t you love how quickly “we don’t even have anything” spins into “Fine, ALL OF IT, now” the minute the other side throws down a nail file?)