Media Finds Epstein Smoking Gun

TL/DR: Trump knew the pedophile was a creep. Get the cuffs.

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Well, it was bound to happen. With the Epstein files dropping like acid at a Jimi Hendrix concert, it was only a matter of time before diligent Democrats finally uncovered the “smoking gun” that proves—irrefutably, scientifically, alphabetically, and cosmetically—that Donald Trump has been lying through his veneered teeth about his relationship with the maybe-dead pedophile all along.

Apparently, after admitting he’d not personally had a chance to wade through the newly unredacted three million-page document dump, House Committee member Dave Min has nevertheless emerged triumphantly clutching that wily pistol.

The Democrat representative from—where else?—California popped up on CNN yesterday to allege that Trump spends every waking moment scheming up new ways to distract American from the Epstein files. “What we have seen so far are a lot of unnecessary redactions of names including, it looks like, Donald Trump’s name quite a lot,” insisted Min, accidentally revealing his superhuman ability to see through fat black ink bars.

And that was just the beginning.