104 Comments
Aug 8Liked by Jenna McCarthy

Thanks for allowing me to cry my own tears of remembrance with my oldest daughter, especially when I drove her 700 miles north to Missouri from Fort Worth, TX, 14 years ago. I was still married at the time, so all four of us made the trip there, but while we were there, my wife had to leave separately for a business trip, so my youngest daughter and I made the trek back home. I was holding up well (dads have to do that, you know) the entire trip back home. We got home, my daughter who was with me went to play with her friends, and then it hit me like a tidal wave. I began to sob (I'm almost there again right now) uncontrollably for almost an hour. I couldn't stop, though I knew she was going to thrive in college because she was ready and, as you say, I wasn't. At least not as much as I thought I was. And of course, she did thrive in college, is married to a fine man today, and working as a flight attendant for a major airline. I'm so proud of her...still.

Expand full comment
author

Dammit Jeff this made me sob all over again! My husband and I couldn't even LOOK at each other for the first few weeks without breaking down. Seriously, nobody tells you how hard this is, do they? (Or maybe they do but we don't listen? IDK but damn.) Thanks for sharing and I'm so glad she's thriving. That definitely helps.

Expand full comment
Aug 8Liked by Jenna McCarthy

I think no matter what people try to tell us or that we with experience tell them, there's no way to be ready for this until you just go through it. Thanks for your excellent writing all the time, and yes, thanks again for allowing me to cry some wonderful tears of catharsis!

Expand full comment
Aug 8Liked by Jenna McCarthy

Thanks for sharing. It does rip out hearts out, doesn't it?

Expand full comment
Aug 8Liked by Jenna McCarthy

Oh yeah, absolutely.

Expand full comment
Aug 8Liked by Jenna McCarthy

And that’s the way it happens! Too fast! Too soon. My babies likewise are in their 40s with their spouses also and children. Oldest grandson is married...20! Where oh where does time go. Thanks for sharing, Jenna. Never thought of it in a week time frame. I tell every parent with a baby, “enjoy! time flies”!

Expand full comment
Aug 8Liked by Jenna McCarthy

It’s taken me too long to leave a reply because I’m crying so hard. My “week” was almost exactly like yours, except - insert on days Thursday to Saturday evil from our society reaching into each day and wrapping its fingers around my daughter’s heart and mind, slowly peeling her away from me and planting doubts into her mind about her mother’s love for her. No amount of demonstration of my love could overcome what they made her believe. Many told me she would grow out of it and come around, because they were blessed with such an outcome with their own child, but at age 28 she is no closer to coming back to me than she was at age 18.

It’s so painful to read your beautiful words because I loved my daughter as you loved yours: tenderly and fiercely. I did all the same things a loving mother should do when their child is young a d growing, learning, finding their way. I gave up everything for her, and parted seas and toppled mountains so that she could succeed in life and secure joy and peace. At appropriate times I gave her the tools to do the parting and toppling herself. I was so proud of her when she did. I had beautiful hopes and dreams for an adult mother-daughter relationship. Dreams like every mother has. I’ve been robbed of all of those dreams for ten full years now. Each day I wake up and lose her all over again and live with the raw emptiness in my heart of her absence.

Your words were beautiful and right on the mark. I wonder if my love for my daughter will ever be reciprocated before I die? Just one day would be enough.

Expand full comment
author

Oh, Juju. I am so sorry. Can you send her a version of this comment in a letter? Maybe you have and it's gone unacknowledged, but that wouldn't stop me. I'd send a letter every day until the day I died. (One of the zillions of books I devoured as a growing mom was How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk. Something that hit me from that book like a ton of bricks was the simple fact/reality that even when your kid doesn't want to listen to or hear you, THEY DO. Sending so much love. XO

Expand full comment
Aug 8Liked by Jenna McCarthy

I am so sorry, Juju. I'm sorry you are in the midst of this, but never stop praying for her! Not ever! God will answer your prayers, even if it's long after you're gone. She will one day realize how much you love her and how much you wanted to be there with her and for her... even if that day comes too late. You'll be in my prayers.

Expand full comment
Aug 8Liked by Jenna McCarthy

😭😭 That was heart warming and wrenching, Jenna. I am so not ready for this. I'm living and loving this phase, "Now everybody goes below, to take a bath in one big tub with soap all over - SCRUB SCRUB SCRUB!", but I know it's going to go by in a blink.

Thank you for the reminder to appreciate the present and thank you for being the best virtual neighbor ever.

All you need is love! ❤️

https://youtu.be/Upm9LnuCBUM

Expand full comment
author

I'M FRAGILE ENOUGH RIGHT NOW THANKS HAHAHAHAHA [CRYING AGAIN OMG]

Expand full comment
Aug 8Liked by Jenna McCarthy

I had to return the favor of making me cry on a seemingly random and rainy Thursday morning in August 2024! 😘

Expand full comment
Aug 8Liked by Jenna McCarthy

😭❤️😭❤️😭❤️😭❤️😭❤️😭

Oh this hurts to read, it’s so true, so accurate, so heartfelt. You summed it up in a week 💋💋💋😭

Expand full comment
Aug 8Liked by Jenna McCarthy

Bruh, you're killing me. I cant even. In this world of cazy, we should not forget that we all feel the feel and that family is our life, our legacy. We all want the same thing and we're not that different after all. Be kind and love as much as you can. Tomorrow is just around the corner.

Expand full comment

I just could not love this more… I’ve lived that week, four times. Each unique, yet identical… As my first born sons approach 40 (yup twins.. Motherhood slapped me right upside the head), with their own homes, families, lives & careers, I still silently cry when they leave from any visit. Those are becoming more rushed, taken up by the flurry & play of the grandkids. I miss my children.. Just plain all the time.. I think we need to move faraway, to a different state, just so I can blame it all on distance, instead of uncontrollable time..

Expand full comment
Aug 8Liked by Jenna McCarthy

Yep. My oldest moved halfway across the country, and after every visit, as I drive away from the airport, I just cry and cry all the way home. I'll never stop missing my baby....

Expand full comment
author

😭😭😭

Expand full comment

Dang, Jenna. Do you know how hard it is to write when you are bawling your eyes out? Yeah, I guess you do, Tiger Mom. Utterly exquisite and excruciating. Write more like this and global flooding will be real, not because of climate change, but because of all the readers moved to floods of tears!

Expand full comment
author

You give the best compliments. :)

Expand full comment
Aug 8Liked by Jenna McCarthy

Oh Jenna - I type this out on my phone trying to see through the (joy-filled) tears.

I never regretted not having children. That is until these last few years when I’ve had to re-evaluate my entire life. What’s important. What’s not. What’s worth fighting for - no matter what.

I’ve started to think I should have chosen to become a mother. Especially when I see the joy my sister’s girls bring to her. Especially when I read such profoundly beautiful and heartwarming prose such as yours. 🥰.

Thank you. 😘❤️

Expand full comment
author

How lucky are your sister's kids to have such an inspiring, amazing, kickass aunt??? (Also... you could still always "adopt" an adult child. I think about this all the time, of foster kids who "age out" of the system... where do they go for holidays? Who walks them down the aisle or helps them with their kids? Just a thought... ;)

Expand full comment
Aug 8Liked by Jenna McCarthy

No one can understand bittersweet until one has been a parent. It is the most paradoxical feeling in life. Your story brings it all out so clearly. And it is just as bittersweet for fathers...

Expand full comment
Aug 8Liked by Jenna McCarthy

Absolutely true!

Expand full comment
Aug 8Liked by Jenna McCarthy

I’m crying! Beautiful! I sure miss my mom!

Expand full comment
Aug 8Liked by Jenna McCarthy

Well, this made me cry as well. My daughter is only 7 and even on the hardest days, those days when I want to just get ONE THING DONE THAT I WANT TO DO, I remember that someday she’ll move out and I’ll miss her so much I won’t be able to breathe. Sigh. Life. Thank you for reminding me to love each moment of her. Look how much you lowered the grief level in the world today by inspiring us to cry it out. Thank you ♥️

Expand full comment
author

Awe, thank YOU! I saw it all the time b/c it's so true: The days are long but the years are short. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE having grown children, mind you, I just miss them every minute of every day. Thank God they put up with me. :)

Expand full comment
Aug 8Liked by Jenna McCarthy

Oh my gosh, Jenna. I am literally standing here sobbing. You have expressed the joy and anguish I, too, feel, over what has been and what is to come as my child, too, prepares to move 1000 miles away for college in a couple of weeks. Indeed, this was the plan the whole time, even though it so deeply hurts right now. You are right, they were never ours. But we were richly blessed to have been main characters on their stage of life for many short years. Bless you and all of us as we make our way.

Expand full comment
Aug 8Liked by Jenna McCarthy

Yeah, all that. I only had one, and I was 38. I told my husband I didn’t want to come home after dropping her off at college, so we drove to the mountains for a week. God was gracious so I came home to ants in the pantry and dead fish in my pond. It took another few days to get those cleaned up, and I was exhausted physically. Later I started cleaning out her room so it wasn’t so hard walking by it. When she graduated she stayed in the city of her college. (Caution moms! Don’t be so excited about getting your kids in an out of state college. They tend to stay there!) Then she got married in that city instead of our town. Then went through a divorce. All this 5 hours away from me. Phones are a blessing, but can’t wrap your arms around around your kids. Happily, she married again (not in our town🙄) and at 34 gave me a beautiful, funny granddaughter who doesn’t look anything like her but has her personality. That 5 hours is still a long way away, but she wants me to be close to the little one. YAY! Maybe this will heal that empty nest syndrome. ❤️

Expand full comment
author

The empty bedroom was the WORST. (And my oldest is home right now and we were talking last night about what she's going to do after graduation--she's a senior--and she basically said she's probably staying in Commiefornia (she's got friends, a job, a really cool house, and a boyfriend there), at least until she's ready to get married and have babies. I knew that would likely happen but DAMN. :(

Expand full comment
Aug 8Liked by Jenna McCarthy

It’s so hard!

Expand full comment

The empty bedrooms suck , I feel you , my boys left too for school.🥲

Expand full comment

Beautiful, Jenna! Only a mama could tell this story...

Thanks for sharing! :)

Expand full comment
Aug 8Liked by Jenna McCarthy

😭😭💔💔❤️❤️

Expand full comment