Clintons Slapped with Contempt Charges
(I must not be the only one who had "Bill and Hillary in matching jumpsuits" on their 2026 vision board.)
Here it is—the single post of the week reserved exclusively for the generous paid subscribers who keep me from rotting in a soulless cubicle somewhere. Upgrade today and you’ll be one of them! Annual subscribers get a free signed book and ALL supporters get my eternal gratitude, the satisfaction of powering independent work, and the opportunity to participate in my amazing, one-of-a-kind Subscriber Spotlight. :)
I don’t want to sound dramatic, but when I saw the headline “House Oversight Panel Votes to Hold Bill and Hillary Clinton in Contempt of Congress,” I experienced a thrill that ranks up there with the time Scott Baio retweeted me. After years of listening to people insist—accurately—that nothing ever happens to the Clintons, that if they’re every arraigned, it’ll be announced by a flock of flying pigs doing laps in a frozen underworld, here we are: a sweeping bipartisan vote with the name Clinton right there next to the word contempt. Throw in a cupcake and a balloon or two, and I can officially cancel my birthday celebration this year.
The accusations aren’t insignificant. This isn’t about missing brunch with a judge, like they simply forgot their ringers were off. It’s about violating the one statute in the entire U.S. Code written specifically for people who think subpoenas are optional. It’s about frolicking—for years—with a known pedophile and sex trafficker. The House committee has questions about the Clintons’ relationship with Jeffrey Epstein and his equally sick sidekick, Ghislaine Maxwell. They want to know whether the world’s most well-connected predator was protected or enabled by any part of the U.S. government—and whether the Clintons witnessed or knew (or, you know, participated in) anything that contradicts the official story. They’re curious about the flights, the photos, the island, the foundation, the suspicious circumstances surrounding Epstein’s death—something Bill and Hill have honorary doctorates in—and the subtle dance the duo have been doing for years around the question of “How well do you really know the guy?”