BREAKING: WaPo Launches Emergency Investigation into Trump
Spoiler: It has to do with dropping bombs. (Relax. Not those kind.)
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The Washington Post has conducted a full-scale forensic investigation into Donald Trump. They weren’t looking at his bank accounts, stock trading history, or foreign policy decisions. The probe had nothing to do with Iran or Cuba or even Israel. It wasn’t about Epstein, taxes, tariffs, trade wars, deportations, or the dismantling of roughly fourteen federal agencies. WaPo’s single area of investigative focus was [*checks notes*] the president’s potty mouth.
According to the exhaustive audit, Trump’s use of profanity has increased dramatically during his second term. The paper tracked vulgarities, insults, “derailments,” first-person pronouns, late-night posting habits, and verbal aggression with the seriousness of scientists monitoring seismic activity near an active volcano.
One has to wonder how many billable newsroom hours were required to confirm that a seventy-something New York real-estate developer uses colorful language.