BREAKING: Scientists Issue Chilling New Climate Warning
Forget longer allergy seasons and bigger bugs; this time, we’re talking utter Armageddon.
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“Scientists have issued a stark warning that climate change poses an existential threat to humanity as societies grapple with intensifying pressures from our planet’s evolving environment,” The Mirror US wrote this week.
According to this breaking report, the earth is careening toward a series of catastrophic climate “tipping points” that could trigger a “tipping cascade”—a spine-chilling scenario that would render huge swaths of the planet uninhabitable, melt the polar ice sheets, destroy the Amazon (the trees, not the delivery service; Bezos will remain unscathed in his underground bunker), unleash immeasurable quantities of carbon from the permafrost, displace millions of people, and [*checks notes*] completely collapse the entirety of human civilization.
Not possibly inconvenience it. Not dramatically impact it. Not even royally screw it up for several generations.
Complete. Collapse.
(Are we stockpiling toilet paper yet or do we wait for Pfizer to get involved? It’s so hard to keep up.)
I know. It sounds grim. But don’t worry! “Experts” have their Climate Emergency Plan all queued up and ready to go.