Brave Activists Protect Democracy by Keying Cars and Punching People Wearing T-shirts They Don’t Like

“Stop Elon Now,” says woman who has absolutely no idea what Elon is even doing

In a stirring display of unhinged groupthink and complete economic illiteracy, protesters popped up like pimples on prom night over the weekend at “Hands Off” and “Tesla Takedown” rallies across the nation world. Their goals: to express their outrage that Elon Musk has committed the unthinkable sin of reducing government waste and to reemphasize how much they hate Trump. (That last part really can’t be overstated.)

The Tesla Takedown movement, sparked on BlueSky (a social platform known mostly for having no one on it), of course has its own website. It was created by Alex Winter, better known as Bill to Keanu Reeves’ Ted of the Excellent Adventure fame and apparently a warrior against billionaires who do outrageous and dangerous things like read balance sheets. “Hurting Tesla is stopping Musk,” the Tesla Takedown homepage promises. [Author: Is it though?] “Stopping Musk will help save lives and our democracy.” [Author: Will it actually?]

Poor liberals must be exhausted from constantly having to save our democracy.

The monumental Tesla Takedown message: sell your Musk-made EVs and dump your Tesla stock immediately—suck it up, buttercup, no loss is too great, our country’s future is riding on you!—to make a bold statement that the DOGE initiative to rein in $10 million studies on gender equity in the Mexican workplace and $32 million taxpayer-funded treadmill rentals is a hard no for you, dawg.

(Also, do these mental gymnasts genuinely not realize that when people sell their cars other people buy them—probably at a killer discount in this case—or that when a stock crashes, smart investors storm in to stockpile it… so they are literally setting Tesla up for a boomerang bonanza? Asking for every conservative with two nickels to rub together.)

“You’d be forgiven for feeling powerless, but you’d be wrong,” Bill/Winter wrote in an op-ed published by that lighthouse of journalistic integrity known as Rolling Stone. “Believing that you can do something, that together we all can, is the flotation device that can keep you from sinking into the politics of despair, of shock and paralysis.”

Reports of vandalized Teslas have been swirling for weeks, with individual activists courageously donning hoodies and trying to avoid security cameras while destroying other people’s personal property to fight for their right to live in a country where no budget is ever questioned and every governmental agency has a slush fund with a gym membership.

Now that we’ve got dozens of those very Einsteins congregating in the same square blocks, the sewage is going sideways. Some protesters, whose activism is as loud as it is confused, have childishly taken to blocking charging stations and in one case, assaulting a jiu-jitsu brown belt for wearing a DOGE t-shirt *hahahahaha dude poked the wrong bear. “I absolutely want to sell my car and my shares,” one demonstrator who obviously isn’t all that interested in saving democracy moaned, adding that he's waiting for the stock price to go up and would have sold his car already if it made financial sense.

Here’s what you missed if you missed it.

Over on X, Musk is posting hilarious evidence that many of the marchers have been given scripts to read if questioned and are being paid to be there. (Last month, the New York Post traced millions of dollars of protest funding back to none other than our buddy George Soros; more recently, it was revealed that organizers were told to not hire Black sign-wavers, even though D.C. has more Blacks than any other ethnicity.) “For a lot of losers,” quipped Joe Rogan in a clip shared by Musk, “a lot of people who don't have things going well in their life—and I was a loser at many points in my life—if somebody called me up and said, ‘hey, man you want to make 400 bucks, just go to this Kamala Harris rally?’ I’d be like, ‘Yeah, let’s go!’ I’d 100% go. I'd be holding up that stupid sign… if you found me when I was 21, 100% I'd have taken that 400 bucks.”

Maybe the lady with the “love always wins” sign got bussed to the wrong rally?

“You might be saying: sure, but haven’t we done this all before?” Bill/Winter speculated in his grammatically disastrous essay. “Didn’t people come out into the streets by the millions during the first Trump administration, and didn’t we end up right where we are now, anyway? Haven’t we seen a decade of decentralized mass demonstrations organized online give way to the inevitable backlash, all around the world?

“I’d answer yes, and that those earlier demonstrations were transformative. The pink hats, BLM, #Resistance, and other mass public formations all contributed instrumentally to removing Trump from office last time. We know it is possible, we can do it again, and we can do it better. Trump and company learned from that experience, but so have we. The fight continues.”

Yes, Mr. Winter, you have and they did and we did and we have. But I think you’re giving your pink-lady-parts-hats far too much credit for toppling a sitting president. (I’m pretty sure it was election fraud that did that.)

Naturally, you’ve got fired-up go-getters out there fighting the good virtual fight, like Bob Hargus, whose X profile speaks for itself.

In case you were curious about the eight people Bob follows like I was, here you go:

All of this righteous fury obscures a fairly inconvenient truth: Elon Musk isn’t making a dime from DOGE. He’s doing it for free. No salary. No bonus. No slush fund. And as the richest man in the world, he can afford—and is clearly willing—to lose a few bucks on Tesla stock if it means dragging bloated government programs into the daylight.

Which makes one wonder what exactly these protestors think they’re going to achieve. If their goal is to shame an eccentric, meme-slinging rocket nerd into walking away from an initiative aimed at saving taxpayers billions, they might want to rethink their strategy. Because while they’re out there waving janky signs and vandalizing EVs, Musk is actually showing up—unpaid—and asking the most threatening question in all of Washington: “Where is all of our money going?”

No wonder they want him gone.

But where would they march?

Also, if you were wondering, the media would like you to know that Trump is fresh out of fiddlesticks.

It’s honestly not even complicated.

What did you think about the lefties’ latest attempt to save democracy by trying to demote Elon Musk to fourth richest man in the world? I can’t wait to hear. ;)

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